than I seem to know what to do with. A little strange considering I have so much to do. I've gotten a few things taken care of:
30 day notice at work CHECK
30 day notice at my Apt CHECK
interviews scheduled for the 9th CHECK
packing started CHECK
So why do I feel so usless?
I've got exactly 30 days until I move back to Southern California, and I can't wait. Time seems to be standing still, though speeding by...if that makes any sense?
I think alot of it has to do with my lack of social life. I'm a VERY social person. I normally boast a pretty full schedule. Dates, going out, alot of friends...but as I near the end of my life here in Las Vegas that all seems to be comming to an end. Granted, I haven't been putting myself out there lately. Haven't hit any clubs, haven't been to the Strip(I hardly ever go there), damn...I haven't even gone out to shoot pool...which used to be my pasttime playing in my league. So I guess the shortage of social life(and booty) is realistically my own fault. You have to get out there, be a part of the social scene(at least date) to keep up with the Jones'.
When I put my mind to something, I'm focused. Now that I am geared up to move, I want to get out of here so badly that it is making me crazy. So I try to take care of shit, get things ready. Pack, work on the garage. And basically become a hermit.
Now don't get me wrong. I have people over pretty often. We BBQ, rent movies...swim, have a few drinks. I haven't completly cut myself off from friends, just the outside world...Las Vegas.
It's hard to meet new boys, and have a sex life...when u never meet anyone new, and the old seems to have gotten stale.
I'm missing being at Burning Man bigtime. I keep thinking about how much fun everyone is having. The new exciting people they are meeting...
I've actually even been tossing around going to the Fantasy Fetish Ball this weekend. Another event I usually go to every year. Fun and exciting, but kinda of one of those things that used to be FANTASTIC but slowly sensorship is killing. Last yeat at the HALLOWEEN BALL there were signs posted "NO NUDITY" and "PEOPLE DISPLAYING LEWD ACTS WILL BE TOSSED OUT ON THEIR ASSES".
What is the "Fantasy Fetish Ball" if not about nudity and lewd acts??
Tisk tisk.
If u don't want to see that kind of stuff displayed, go to Chuck E Cheese's.
With that in mind, the thought of spending over $80 to step in the door to endure what other than the costumes, would be like any other club in Las Vegas(yes...I've been to them all) seems rather ridiculous.
Plus I've already packed all of my Burning Man/Fetish Ball/ Halloween Costumes.
To much effort with too much on my mind at the moment.
I keep telling myself that I can wait it out the month til I move.
Then again, my mind agrees, but my body doesn't.
I'm not used to going without sex for long periods. A month is my max, usually a week or two.
I'm above and beyond that at this point, more like 6 weeks...
eeesh.
No wonder I can't sleep!
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Nothin in This Neck O' Da Woods....
Not much of anything going on. Drama at work has subsided, not that it really matters because it wasn't directly linked to me in any way, I just got shifted in the fall-out...but on my end that is all resolved.
More than kinda bummed because Mike and all of our friends are at
BurningMan which is a lil more than depressing for me considering the fact that I'm supposed to be there with them. Unfortunatly I can't MOVE and go to
BurningMan which is all kinds of shitty being as it is one of the treats I have promised to myself yearly. For those of u who haven't expierenced it, I highly reccommend it. Man made community of 40,000 on a dry lake bed in Northern Nevada. In a conservation area. It's a LeaveNoTrace event which means though it is a dry lakebed with no running water, and no electricity, you have to bring everything u will need to survive for almost 10 days. And then lug everything u use home. Even trash. There are NO trashcans, no restrooms(only outhouses which get hosed out each day by huge trucks to keep them decent), no showers(though there is a water truck that goes up and down the streets hosing down the dust and u can find manynaked people running along behind it hosing off their dusty bodies). No food, no nothing. Well...nothing provided. You pay $250 to walk in the door and then the rest is up to u. 40,000 people, all comming together. Living life, building a community. There are bars, but u don't pay. There are many many things to see, people to meet...
it is the hardest thing to explain to people who have never been. Between the ArtCars to the costumes to
ThemeCamps it is the MOST amazing place that I have ever been. All in all it costs about 1,000 dollars for everything, including materials to construct a structure that u will call home for the next week....the food u will consume, the gifts u will share with others.
You see, that is what this place is about. Sharing. Caring, comming together as a community, as humans.
Not as a religious event, but a spiritual event. One I am sad to say I am missing this year. So to all my fellow "Burners" have at it, and have some fun for me!!!!!
More than kinda bummed because Mike and all of our friends are at
BurningMan which is a lil more than depressing for me considering the fact that I'm supposed to be there with them. Unfortunatly I can't MOVE and go to
BurningMan which is all kinds of shitty being as it is one of the treats I have promised to myself yearly. For those of u who haven't expierenced it, I highly reccommend it. Man made community of 40,000 on a dry lake bed in Northern Nevada. In a conservation area. It's a LeaveNoTrace event which means though it is a dry lakebed with no running water, and no electricity, you have to bring everything u will need to survive for almost 10 days. And then lug everything u use home. Even trash. There are NO trashcans, no restrooms(only outhouses which get hosed out each day by huge trucks to keep them decent), no showers(though there is a water truck that goes up and down the streets hosing down the dust and u can find manynaked people running along behind it hosing off their dusty bodies). No food, no nothing. Well...nothing provided. You pay $250 to walk in the door and then the rest is up to u. 40,000 people, all comming together. Living life, building a community. There are bars, but u don't pay. There are many many things to see, people to meet...
it is the hardest thing to explain to people who have never been. Between the ArtCars to the costumes to
ThemeCamps it is the MOST amazing place that I have ever been. All in all it costs about 1,000 dollars for everything, including materials to construct a structure that u will call home for the next week....the food u will consume, the gifts u will share with others.
You see, that is what this place is about. Sharing. Caring, comming together as a community, as humans.
Not as a religious event, but a spiritual event. One I am sad to say I am missing this year. So to all my fellow "Burners" have at it, and have some fun for me!!!!!
Monday, August 29, 2005
I've Come to Realize Certain Things In Life...
and one of them is I'm becoming addicted to Blogs. Ha ha ha
Not really, but it IS nice to come back after the weekend and "catch up" on what everyone in the blogging world has been up to!
I've been talking to a good friend of mine about the whole "relationship" issue alot lately.
During a phone conversation, with us bantering back and forth, he pops off with "Sambo, I just don't see u as the romantic type". (Now with a nickname like "Sambo" one he gave me, I wonder why..ha ha ha)
On one hand, I DO see his point. You see, on the outside...and to most people I talk too...I'm the GET THE BOOTY kind of girl. I mean, I know what I want(and it usually consists of a piece of ASS) and I go after it.
I'm the girl that ALWAYS has a booty boy, and unless Im in a completely committed relationship....I like to think of myself a as "Free Agent" one that can do what(and who) she wants. Much to the dismay of some men I hang out with.
Does this make me "unromantic"?
Or realistic?
I mean, don't get me wrong, I like to love and be loved as much as the next person. But after being divorced 8-9 years ago, I've learned to be more choosy. Learned to not take crap that I don't like, and learned that just because I "like" someone(or might want to screw them)....Doesn't mean I want to date them. There within lies the "unromantic" notion about me. Now...I've been reading about women similar to myself on CHubbyChocolate and InsaneBlackWoman and one has to wonder....
Does a woman become "unromantic" because she knows what she wants....?
Does a woman become "unromantic" when she takes on the "traditional male role" and uses a man for sex?
Because she doesn't kid herself into believing that her "knight in shining armor" is going to ride by and sweep her off of her feet at any moment?
Excuse me if I'm a bit confused(and no Mr. X I didn't take particular offense to this comment, just trying to clarify a common misconception for most of us women who don't "need" a man)over all of this...
I mean, personally, in my core...I'm about as romantic as they come....
I like the feeling of butterflies in my stomach, goosebumps on my arms...the fluttering in my chest when the phone rings and it is that special person...I like to hold hands, and make out like teenagers...fuck in bathrooms because we can't keep our hands off eachother and can't wait til we get home....
All of it. The whole Ball of Wax....
definitely a Romantic...
But do I have "romance" in my daily life at the moment....no.
And the reason for that? Because when I go on a date...I know if there is chemistry or not(and yes sir...after u have been divorced more than a year, and gone on more than a few dates with a few women...u will too) I know pretty much right off the bat if this person in front of me is someone I can actually see myself spending any length of time with? And not just some company because I am lonely? In about two minutes flat, I know if this is someone I will pursue with romantic interest....or AEROBIC interest. And therewithin lies the difference between us "Booty" women and "Romantic" women. If I seriously considered dating these men(which I know I have nothing in common with) I would be considered romantic. But because I call it as I see it, and go the other route....I drop a peg or two on the romantic level. Well worth it all things considered. Wasting time with some mediocre date for the sake of "dating" is way off my scale of FUN THINGS TO DO.
Even if we "get along" and "have fun"....what is it that makes THIS date different than any other?? If there isn't
something profoundly different, if there isn't that "chemistry" then Im glad that I know myself well enough to not just settle. And in all honesty...through all of the things I have learned in this thing called life, this is one of the things I'm the most proud of. Knowing myself well enough to know that I'm just fine alone. Knowing that I don't "need" a man to survive, but that I DO need the things a man can physically offer.
Knowing that just because I "like" someone, doesn't mean that I will love them...and knowing the difference between "compatibility" and "chemistry". Knowing not to jump off that ledge(just yet) and knowing that taking my time getting to know someone now...will save me a lot of trouble later.
So the next time u see the "booty gurl" don't just easily dismiss her as the "non-romantic"type.
Because sometimes...all that simply means is that she knows herself better than most people do, and at the end of the day...
I'd much rather be the "booty girl that knows what she wants" than the "Romantic girl that thinks every man is THE ONE"
Nuff said!
Greetings Samantha --
Here is your horoscope for Monday, August 29:
There's nothing wrong with browsing, especially if you're not ready to buy. Ignore any and all pressure coming at you to make a decision. You'll do this when you're good and ready, and not before.
think this is talking about MEN??
Not really, but it IS nice to come back after the weekend and "catch up" on what everyone in the blogging world has been up to!
I've been talking to a good friend of mine about the whole "relationship" issue alot lately.
During a phone conversation, with us bantering back and forth, he pops off with "Sambo, I just don't see u as the romantic type". (Now with a nickname like "Sambo" one he gave me, I wonder why..ha ha ha)
On one hand, I DO see his point. You see, on the outside...and to most people I talk too...I'm the GET THE BOOTY kind of girl. I mean, I know what I want(and it usually consists of a piece of ASS) and I go after it.
I'm the girl that ALWAYS has a booty boy, and unless Im in a completely committed relationship....I like to think of myself a as "Free Agent" one that can do what(and who) she wants. Much to the dismay of some men I hang out with.
Does this make me "unromantic"?
Or realistic?
I mean, don't get me wrong, I like to love and be loved as much as the next person. But after being divorced 8-9 years ago, I've learned to be more choosy. Learned to not take crap that I don't like, and learned that just because I "like" someone(or might want to screw them)....Doesn't mean I want to date them. There within lies the "unromantic" notion about me. Now...I've been reading about women similar to myself on CHubbyChocolate and InsaneBlackWoman and one has to wonder....
Does a woman become "unromantic" because she knows what she wants....?
Does a woman become "unromantic" when she takes on the "traditional male role" and uses a man for sex?
Because she doesn't kid herself into believing that her "knight in shining armor" is going to ride by and sweep her off of her feet at any moment?
Excuse me if I'm a bit confused(and no Mr. X I didn't take particular offense to this comment, just trying to clarify a common misconception for most of us women who don't "need" a man)over all of this...
I mean, personally, in my core...I'm about as romantic as they come....
I like the feeling of butterflies in my stomach, goosebumps on my arms...the fluttering in my chest when the phone rings and it is that special person...I like to hold hands, and make out like teenagers...fuck in bathrooms because we can't keep our hands off eachother and can't wait til we get home....
All of it. The whole Ball of Wax....
definitely a Romantic...
But do I have "romance" in my daily life at the moment....no.
And the reason for that? Because when I go on a date...I know if there is chemistry or not(and yes sir...after u have been divorced more than a year, and gone on more than a few dates with a few women...u will too) I know pretty much right off the bat if this person in front of me is someone I can actually see myself spending any length of time with? And not just some company because I am lonely? In about two minutes flat, I know if this is someone I will pursue with romantic interest....or AEROBIC interest. And therewithin lies the difference between us "Booty" women and "Romantic" women. If I seriously considered dating these men(which I know I have nothing in common with) I would be considered romantic. But because I call it as I see it, and go the other route....I drop a peg or two on the romantic level. Well worth it all things considered. Wasting time with some mediocre date for the sake of "dating" is way off my scale of FUN THINGS TO DO.
Even if we "get along" and "have fun"....what is it that makes THIS date different than any other?? If there isn't
something profoundly different, if there isn't that "chemistry" then Im glad that I know myself well enough to not just settle. And in all honesty...through all of the things I have learned in this thing called life, this is one of the things I'm the most proud of. Knowing myself well enough to know that I'm just fine alone. Knowing that I don't "need" a man to survive, but that I DO need the things a man can physically offer.
Knowing that just because I "like" someone, doesn't mean that I will love them...and knowing the difference between "compatibility" and "chemistry". Knowing not to jump off that ledge(just yet) and knowing that taking my time getting to know someone now...will save me a lot of trouble later.
So the next time u see the "booty gurl" don't just easily dismiss her as the "non-romantic"type.
Because sometimes...all that simply means is that she knows herself better than most people do, and at the end of the day...
I'd much rather be the "booty girl that knows what she wants" than the "Romantic girl that thinks every man is THE ONE"
Nuff said!
Greetings Samantha --
Here is your horoscope for Monday, August 29:
There's nothing wrong with browsing, especially if you're not ready to buy. Ignore any and all pressure coming at you to make a decision. You'll do this when you're good and ready, and not before.
think this is talking about MEN??
Friday, August 26, 2005
How many posts can one have in one day?
HA HA HA
obviously I have more on my mind than working...
I just found a kewl blog and this Questionaire(a whole group of people answering it) so I thought I would put it on here, answer, and ask everyone to do the same =)
LET’S PLAY BALL -
30 Questions - 10 basic, 10 personal, 10 random
BASICS
1. Name: Samantha
2. Nicknames: Sammie, Sam, Sambo, Miss Sammie
3. Give yourself a new name and explain: Sleepless in Las Vegas: see previous posts for explanation!
4. Sex: Yes PLEASE! As often as I can git it!! Oh wait, was that a gender question?
5. Birthday: Feb 25th, Pisces
6.Current location: Las Vegas/ Henderson, Nevada
7.Eye color: Blue
8. Hair color: Blonde, with burgundy underneath
9. Height:5'4"
10. Best physical feature: I've been told my legs, and eyes...what do I know, Ive had the same shit my whole life.
PERSONAL:
1. Straight, gay, or bi: Straight
2. Are you a virgin: does not having sex in a month count?
3. Who are your closest friends: Mike, Jenn, Jason, the list is long.
4. Boyfriend/girlfriend: not at the moment, I thrive on being single!
5. Would you ever have sex in front of another person: I have, in front of 4 people...would I do it again? I dont know, depends on the situation I suppose. SOmetimes things come up and u just go with it.
6. Name 3 things you despise about the opposite sex: Nothing, men are wonderful...u just have to toss out the bad seeds, the same can be said for women.
7. Tell us a secret: Do I have tooooooo? Nope, secrets are meant to be kept ; )
8. If your life was a movie, what kind of movie would it be: An adventure
9. Would you ever hook up with a person of the same sex: make out: yes...been there done that. Sex...not too sure, never really thought about it.
10. Do you have a crush right now: noper
RANDOM:
1. What do you have under your bed: nada
2. Do you have an innie or an outie: innie
3. What do you think of ouiji boards: 1/2 kewl 1/2 scary
4. Favorite board game: Twister, Trouble
5. Favorite TV shows: Lost, Charmed, Meet the BArkers
6. Favorite magazine: Cosmo, Maxim
7. Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed: both
8. Favorite sound: sex sounds, the sounds of gratification...the ocean. Laughter
9. What is your favorite quote: "If yr in my bed, u gotta put out or get out"
10. Favorite place to vacation: Burning Man especially if u have never been there!
obviously I have more on my mind than working...
I just found a kewl blog and this Questionaire(a whole group of people answering it) so I thought I would put it on here, answer, and ask everyone to do the same =)
LET’S PLAY BALL -
30 Questions - 10 basic, 10 personal, 10 random
BASICS
1. Name: Samantha
2. Nicknames: Sammie, Sam, Sambo, Miss Sammie
3. Give yourself a new name and explain: Sleepless in Las Vegas: see previous posts for explanation!
4. Sex: Yes PLEASE! As often as I can git it!! Oh wait, was that a gender question?
5. Birthday: Feb 25th, Pisces
6.Current location: Las Vegas/ Henderson, Nevada
7.Eye color: Blue
8. Hair color: Blonde, with burgundy underneath
9. Height:5'4"
10. Best physical feature: I've been told my legs, and eyes...what do I know, Ive had the same shit my whole life.
PERSONAL:
1. Straight, gay, or bi: Straight
2. Are you a virgin: does not having sex in a month count?
3. Who are your closest friends: Mike, Jenn, Jason, the list is long.
4. Boyfriend/girlfriend: not at the moment, I thrive on being single!
5. Would you ever have sex in front of another person: I have, in front of 4 people...would I do it again? I dont know, depends on the situation I suppose. SOmetimes things come up and u just go with it.
6. Name 3 things you despise about the opposite sex: Nothing, men are wonderful...u just have to toss out the bad seeds, the same can be said for women.
7. Tell us a secret: Do I have tooooooo? Nope, secrets are meant to be kept ; )
8. If your life was a movie, what kind of movie would it be: An adventure
9. Would you ever hook up with a person of the same sex: make out: yes...been there done that. Sex...not too sure, never really thought about it.
10. Do you have a crush right now: noper
RANDOM:
1. What do you have under your bed: nada
2. Do you have an innie or an outie: innie
3. What do you think of ouiji boards: 1/2 kewl 1/2 scary
4. Favorite board game: Twister, Trouble
5. Favorite TV shows: Lost, Charmed, Meet the BArkers
6. Favorite magazine: Cosmo, Maxim
7. Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed: both
8. Favorite sound: sex sounds, the sounds of gratification...the ocean. Laughter
9. What is your favorite quote: "If yr in my bed, u gotta put out or get out"
10. Favorite place to vacation: Burning Man especially if u have never been there!
Spammers...
Gotta love them. And people who try to post on yr blog for advertising.
I'm in a beastly mood this morning. Not really "beastly" just dead ass friggin TIRED. So what do u do when u feel like u can NEVER sleep? And upon finally falling asleep...u abruptly wake up in the wee hours of the morning unable to fall back to sleep? Such is the story of my life. I seriously feel like it is taking it's toll on me. Starbucks is about my only salvation in the A.M. Funny when u frequent three different locations and they all know what u drink. I used to go into the Von's across the street from my work(they put in a kiosk Starbucks) because when u buy 7 drinks, yr 8th one is free. Then I realized that they keep a tally at the end of your reciept.
Needless to say, I stopped buying my morning Cafe at Von's. I switched locations. If they don't keep a total, then it doesn't count right? At least that's the logic in my brain, however twisted.
ha ha ha
Guess I should seriously consider buying stock in Starbucks at least there would be some chance in getting something back for my loyality as a customer!
Back to work, more later!
Work is unusually slow today. Gives me alot of time to ponder certain things in my life.
So this blog will most likely be long, bear with me.
Today I found out that I am being sent back to my other office (see post for Aug 19th)
Seems the co-worker who couldn't STAND to work in this office(and had to be switched THIS minute to our other office) now has decided that she would indeed rather be here(could that possibly be the result of figuring out that our other office is THREE times as busy...which in turn means three times the WORK?) I have been recieving emails all week from all of my co-workers in my other office pulling their hair out because she can't keep up, she can't function in my position to the level that I can. Well of course not. I have been working at that level for FIVE years. Silly people. Needless to say, I will be back at my home office with my gurly co-workers for my last five weeks of Employment with my current company. YAY!
I also gave notice today. 30+ days. Last day here will be Sept 28th.
I have been thinking alot about people in my past.
Do u ever have those people that are in your life...and then suddenly they dissapear? Or through the course of just living life, u loose contact with people that at one time meant the world to u? In the last few months of going through life changes...moving, looking for a new job... I have really been thinking about some of these people that I truly miss. This might have something to do with the fact that two very important people in my past have recently contacted me. An old boyfriend from high school...Tom, and my best friend Sabrina. Tom and I were the best of friends through all of HS. Always close, sharing secrets...being silly, and just basically practicing being kids. Ditching, smoking Djarums in between classes...all of the fun things 16 yr olds do. Over time, we became closer and eventually ended up dating and becomming intimate when I was 17. We have always had that strange bond that is very hard to define. A closeness that u don't achieve with just anyone. We have shared many memories. We have history together and the bond of being raised in the same area and calling Ventura County "home". At some point, we broke up. I don't really remember why...I just chalk it up to the fact that we were teenagers. We remained friends from that point on. Somewhere after that(I'm not really sure when or where) we parted ways. I got married, had kids, and basically just lived my life. I often wondered what had happened to Tom. If he still was alive and kicking, if he was happy... I heard a few things here and there around town(we live in a small beach community) but we all know how "gossip" is, who knows what to believe. He eventually drifted to the back of my mind, and though I thought about him from time to time...he was basically "out of sight, out of mind".
About 6 months ago, I open my yahoo mail to find an email from Tom. He found me on
Classmates.com . We started emailing and catching up. He is now married(9 years) and has three kids of his own. It's strange how much better u feel when u just know someone is ok. He says that he has always somewhat kept tabs on me, even though we hadn't spoken in about 20 years(damn when u type that u immediatly feel OLD). He knew when I got married, he knew when I had my kids...and the subsequently when I got divorced. HE always knew I was ok. Strange how that works. Tom and I have since been renewing our friendship, and though older, we have come to realize not alot in our personalities has changed. I instantly felt that old bond rekindled. That instant connection with someone that u will always, no matter what, love and care about. I am thankful everyday that he is once again my "friend". I'm thankful to have someone in my life, that has pretty much always known me. Someone that I can open up to, talk to and share with. It's like having a new friend, though I don't have to explain anything to him. He knows my parents, and my brother. He knows most of my friends, we know the same people back home. And now, as I move back home, he is extremely jealous!!! Because he longs to be back there too. I'm glad to have my old friend back...and I'm hoping to never loose contact with him again(note to self...and to others, don't EVER change yr email addresses!!!)
All of this(along with the new friends I constantly make online) makes me very grateful to have the internet in my life. It reaches places that none of us would ever go. If u are online enough, yr name is out there, people CAN find you.
I basically logged onto Classmates.com to check out what was going on with people that I knew way back when, and instead was found by someone to whom I was important.
I'm hoping in these modern times of blogging and emailing(as we all sit at our desks doing the aforementioned when we should be working) and the internet in general...that gone are the times of just easily "loosing track" of someone we care about. Gone are the times of "Not enough time to write a letter" (I know most of us can type almost as fast as we can talk).
The internet has opened up a vast new world of communication. Sharing pictures with familes and loved ones, Evites to parties, family websites...
The resources on the internet are endless, and I for one am thankful everyday...for the internet and the people it has brought into my life =)
Which includes each and every person who passes through this site, and reads a lil piece of my life.
So I just wanted to say "Thank you" to everyone who is my friend, and supports me.
I love you all!
I'm in a beastly mood this morning. Not really "beastly" just dead ass friggin TIRED. So what do u do when u feel like u can NEVER sleep? And upon finally falling asleep...u abruptly wake up in the wee hours of the morning unable to fall back to sleep? Such is the story of my life. I seriously feel like it is taking it's toll on me. Starbucks is about my only salvation in the A.M. Funny when u frequent three different locations and they all know what u drink. I used to go into the Von's across the street from my work(they put in a kiosk Starbucks) because when u buy 7 drinks, yr 8th one is free. Then I realized that they keep a tally at the end of your reciept.
"Samantha..you are on your 24th freeStarbucks"
Uh....yeah....so I start calculating in my head....24 free. That means that I have bought 7 Starbucks 24 times....!!!!!Needless to say, I stopped buying my morning Cafe at Von's. I switched locations. If they don't keep a total, then it doesn't count right? At least that's the logic in my brain, however twisted.
ha ha ha
Guess I should seriously consider buying stock in Starbucks at least there would be some chance in getting something back for my loyality as a customer!
Back to work, more later!
Work is unusually slow today. Gives me alot of time to ponder certain things in my life.
So this blog will most likely be long, bear with me.
Today I found out that I am being sent back to my other office (see post for Aug 19th)
Seems the co-worker who couldn't STAND to work in this office(and had to be switched THIS minute to our other office) now has decided that she would indeed rather be here(could that possibly be the result of figuring out that our other office is THREE times as busy...which in turn means three times the WORK?) I have been recieving emails all week from all of my co-workers in my other office pulling their hair out because she can't keep up, she can't function in my position to the level that I can. Well of course not. I have been working at that level for FIVE years. Silly people. Needless to say, I will be back at my home office with my gurly co-workers for my last five weeks of Employment with my current company. YAY!
I also gave notice today. 30+ days. Last day here will be Sept 28th.
I have been thinking alot about people in my past.
Do u ever have those people that are in your life...and then suddenly they dissapear? Or through the course of just living life, u loose contact with people that at one time meant the world to u? In the last few months of going through life changes...moving, looking for a new job... I have really been thinking about some of these people that I truly miss. This might have something to do with the fact that two very important people in my past have recently contacted me. An old boyfriend from high school...Tom, and my best friend Sabrina. Tom and I were the best of friends through all of HS. Always close, sharing secrets...being silly, and just basically practicing being kids. Ditching, smoking Djarums in between classes...all of the fun things 16 yr olds do. Over time, we became closer and eventually ended up dating and becomming intimate when I was 17. We have always had that strange bond that is very hard to define. A closeness that u don't achieve with just anyone. We have shared many memories. We have history together and the bond of being raised in the same area and calling Ventura County "home". At some point, we broke up. I don't really remember why...I just chalk it up to the fact that we were teenagers. We remained friends from that point on. Somewhere after that(I'm not really sure when or where) we parted ways. I got married, had kids, and basically just lived my life. I often wondered what had happened to Tom. If he still was alive and kicking, if he was happy... I heard a few things here and there around town(we live in a small beach community) but we all know how "gossip" is, who knows what to believe. He eventually drifted to the back of my mind, and though I thought about him from time to time...he was basically "out of sight, out of mind".
About 6 months ago, I open my yahoo mail to find an email from Tom. He found me on
Classmates.com . We started emailing and catching up. He is now married(9 years) and has three kids of his own. It's strange how much better u feel when u just know someone is ok. He says that he has always somewhat kept tabs on me, even though we hadn't spoken in about 20 years(damn when u type that u immediatly feel OLD). He knew when I got married, he knew when I had my kids...and the subsequently when I got divorced. HE always knew I was ok. Strange how that works. Tom and I have since been renewing our friendship, and though older, we have come to realize not alot in our personalities has changed. I instantly felt that old bond rekindled. That instant connection with someone that u will always, no matter what, love and care about. I am thankful everyday that he is once again my "friend". I'm thankful to have someone in my life, that has pretty much always known me. Someone that I can open up to, talk to and share with. It's like having a new friend, though I don't have to explain anything to him. He knows my parents, and my brother. He knows most of my friends, we know the same people back home. And now, as I move back home, he is extremely jealous!!! Because he longs to be back there too. I'm glad to have my old friend back...and I'm hoping to never loose contact with him again(note to self...and to others, don't EVER change yr email addresses!!!)
All of this(along with the new friends I constantly make online) makes me very grateful to have the internet in my life. It reaches places that none of us would ever go. If u are online enough, yr name is out there, people CAN find you.
I basically logged onto Classmates.com to check out what was going on with people that I knew way back when, and instead was found by someone to whom I was important.
I'm hoping in these modern times of blogging and emailing(as we all sit at our desks doing the aforementioned when we should be working) and the internet in general...that gone are the times of just easily "loosing track" of someone we care about. Gone are the times of "Not enough time to write a letter" (I know most of us can type almost as fast as we can talk).
The internet has opened up a vast new world of communication. Sharing pictures with familes and loved ones, Evites to parties, family websites...
The resources on the internet are endless, and I for one am thankful everyday...for the internet and the people it has brought into my life =)
Which includes each and every person who passes through this site, and reads a lil piece of my life.
So I just wanted to say "Thank you" to everyone who is my friend, and supports me.
I love you all!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
As I Struggle In the Final 30 days...
Before i move, I have ALOT on my mind. So bear with me as I vent(and move on to my SECOND post of the day).
My youngest Drew started the 8th grade yesterday. It pains me to not be able to be there for him. He's never started a new school year without me, let alone a completely new school, in a completely new state. So I feel bad. I guess he is a big boy now, time to cut those apron strings(everyone says he is a momma's boy) Though I must admit my sadness came from the sadness in HIS voice Tuesday night. I cant move fast enough.....36 days and counting. So much on my mind, so much in my brain....
So my house is full, though at times empty. I just miss my kids plain and simple. Never really been without them. I can't wait to get back into the normal routine of school and sports. It' been a long time. Though Im NOT looking forward to dealing with the X on a regular basis. I hate to say it, but he is just an idiot.
He calls me yesterday(on my cell while Im still at work, mind you) to talk to me about getting Carina(my 17 yr old) into adult ED. She is working full time, kinda blew her school stuff last year, and at the moment all I care about is her GRADUATIING on time.
So here he is, IN OXNARD...calling ME in VEGAS, asking ME what to do??
You fucking moran, figure it out.
I mean, if I can go online...or call from here, can't he do the same thing from there?? All he is doing is giving our daughter a hard time about EVERYTHING, and I think to myself "Communicating with yr kids ISNT that difficult" So in the middle of this conversation(where I basically tell him, nicely of course, NOT TO BOTHER...I'll be there the weekend of the 8th and I will take care of it..she doesnt want to deal with him anyhow) I tell him that Drew had a WONDERFUL first day of school (he was VERY apprehensive the night before and called me 6 times, where-in I told him that I went to that school, his dad went to that school, Uncle Chris went to that school...and to think, everytime u run the track, go through the halls, go into the office....I was in those places, doing the same as him...gave him some relief I think)
His responce was...
*silence*
and then......"What?"
I repeat myself. "Your SON had a great first day at school"
Rick: "Oh, today was Andrews first day of school?"
OH MY FUCKEN GOD!!!
How many ways can u BEAT a man????
Nice to know while u are hounding me for info on Carina, that u have NO CLUE whats going on with yr son. How can u be 2 minutes from him(while Im 400 miles away) and NOT know when he is starting school.
2nd of all, considering he was sooooo stressed about it, how could u not BE THERE for him??
I give up!!!!!!!
I have come to terms with the way this man parents our children, and I often wonder how I ever was married to him for 12 yrs. Sometimes it astounds me. But it still breaks my heart when it hurts my kids.
What do u do?? cant shoot him, but cant DEAL with him either.
And if I didn't have to deal with him regarding my kids, I wouldn't.
At the end of the day "co-parenting" isn't optional. It is something I have opted out of by living in a different state for the last 6 yrs. Guess it's time to pay the piper, and learn to live with it. Live with it with Grace and Dignity, and once again practice always being the bigger person (which I always do) Even when U just want to be a BITCH and tell him to GET IT TOGETHER FOR ONCE...for the sake of his kids.
My youngest Drew started the 8th grade yesterday. It pains me to not be able to be there for him. He's never started a new school year without me, let alone a completely new school, in a completely new state. So I feel bad. I guess he is a big boy now, time to cut those apron strings(everyone says he is a momma's boy) Though I must admit my sadness came from the sadness in HIS voice Tuesday night. I cant move fast enough.....36 days and counting. So much on my mind, so much in my brain....
So my house is full, though at times empty. I just miss my kids plain and simple. Never really been without them. I can't wait to get back into the normal routine of school and sports. It' been a long time. Though Im NOT looking forward to dealing with the X on a regular basis. I hate to say it, but he is just an idiot.
He calls me yesterday(on my cell while Im still at work, mind you) to talk to me about getting Carina(my 17 yr old) into adult ED. She is working full time, kinda blew her school stuff last year, and at the moment all I care about is her GRADUATIING on time.
So here he is, IN OXNARD...calling ME in VEGAS, asking ME what to do??
You fucking moran, figure it out.
I mean, if I can go online...or call from here, can't he do the same thing from there?? All he is doing is giving our daughter a hard time about EVERYTHING, and I think to myself "Communicating with yr kids ISNT that difficult" So in the middle of this conversation(where I basically tell him, nicely of course, NOT TO BOTHER...I'll be there the weekend of the 8th and I will take care of it..she doesnt want to deal with him anyhow) I tell him that Drew had a WONDERFUL first day of school (he was VERY apprehensive the night before and called me 6 times, where-in I told him that I went to that school, his dad went to that school, Uncle Chris went to that school...and to think, everytime u run the track, go through the halls, go into the office....I was in those places, doing the same as him...gave him some relief I think)
His responce was...
*silence*
and then......"What?"
I repeat myself. "Your SON had a great first day at school"
Rick: "Oh, today was Andrews first day of school?"
OH MY FUCKEN GOD!!!
How many ways can u BEAT a man????
Nice to know while u are hounding me for info on Carina, that u have NO CLUE whats going on with yr son. How can u be 2 minutes from him(while Im 400 miles away) and NOT know when he is starting school.
2nd of all, considering he was sooooo stressed about it, how could u not BE THERE for him??
I give up!!!!!!!
I have come to terms with the way this man parents our children, and I often wonder how I ever was married to him for 12 yrs. Sometimes it astounds me. But it still breaks my heart when it hurts my kids.
What do u do?? cant shoot him, but cant DEAL with him either.
And if I didn't have to deal with him regarding my kids, I wouldn't.
At the end of the day "co-parenting" isn't optional. It is something I have opted out of by living in a different state for the last 6 yrs. Guess it's time to pay the piper, and learn to live with it. Live with it with Grace and Dignity, and once again practice always being the bigger person (which I always do) Even when U just want to be a BITCH and tell him to GET IT TOGETHER FOR ONCE...for the sake of his kids.
and dreams CAN become a reality....
When I was a child, I vividly remember my dad working on cars. It was his hobby. Restoring old vintage cars. I distinctly remember his midnight blue 1963 Chevy Impala. It started out as a heap...but little by little became a dream car. I remember everything about that car. From the paint job(midnight metallic blue), to the brand new interior that he installed. All I remember thinking is "How kewl is THAT?? You can take an old beaten up classic car and turn it into anything you want".
Hence my fixation with old cars. I've always been into them, always wanted one. I have dragged Mike(and many others) to more car shows than they care to remember. I love ALL old cars. But I've always wanted one in particular.
1957 GMC Pickup
The sleek lines, the wood panaled bed of the truck.
I've long ago decided that any dream man of mine, would be able to work on classic cars.
Fast forward to the here and now(Or should I say backtrack to last summer) and George.
A year ago last May my friend Gina calls me and asks me if I want to go to
Lake Havasu
Does a bear BEAR shit in the WOODS???
So we get babysitters and pack up for the weekend. We are going with her family and a bunch of their friends who all have boats. I'm excited and thrilled to be a part of this adventure. As soon as I get there I meet George. We are instantly attracted to one another and the flirtation starts. Now mix the flirting in with alot of drinking...and wa-la instant chemistry. (We'd find out later that the chemistry was NOT just alcohol induced..ha ha ha) We spent a magical 4 days together, and when he left the day before me, I was really bummed. You see, he lives in the OC, and I live in Nevada. We decided at that moment, that at times in life it is about timing...which in this case was working against us. So we make a pact to stay in touch, at all costs. No matter what. And we have. He came to stay with me for a weekend about 4 months after our initial meeting, and lo & behold...that amazing chemistry was still intact. But the fact still remains...he lives in Cali, and I in Nevada.
Over the course of the last year and 1/2 I have come to learn alot about George. We have indeed stayed in touch. We email, text message and talk on the phone. We still have that "connection" but have basically come to terms with the fact that we both have kids to raise and we have alot of distance between us. So we became friends. Over the course of this friendship...I learned that he is an AMAZING mechanic. He continually buys old cars, restores them and sells them. Its basically just something he does as a hobby...something to occupy his time(and keep him sane) While the rest of us are sitting on our asses watching tv, he is tinkering around in his garage fixing up cars. It's great. He sends me pictures of all of his new finds, fills me in on what he is doing. He just got a
1969 Le Mans
And is currently working on it.
Now we have always joked about him being my "dream man" because he works on cars. Last night in talking to him, he tells me that now that I am moving closer to him (we'll be about an hour and 1/2 from one another).
that he wasn't kidding, He would really love to help me build my dream car. It'll take time, and money....but that we can actually start looking when I move he'll help me look for the car, and little by little...we can work on it until it becomes what I want. No only will he do it, but he says he would "love to do it"!!!!!!!!! Talk about something to look forward to. Now Im scanning the internet, looking for something, anything that I want....It's a whole new feeling to be actually working on something u have dreamed about for so many years......one of my major dreams within my grasp and becomming a reality leaves me with a feeling that I can't even begin to explain.
It's like lil warm fuzzies in my tummy.
I now feel that I have something to look forward to, no matter what.
And it is an amazing feeling!!!! A feeling I intend on holding onto.
After all, life is about achieving yr dreams....even if that means a 1957 GMC Pickup Truck!!!!
Hence my fixation with old cars. I've always been into them, always wanted one. I have dragged Mike(and many others) to more car shows than they care to remember. I love ALL old cars. But I've always wanted one in particular.
1957 GMC Pickup
The sleek lines, the wood panaled bed of the truck.
I've long ago decided that any dream man of mine, would be able to work on classic cars.
Fast forward to the here and now(Or should I say backtrack to last summer) and George.
A year ago last May my friend Gina calls me and asks me if I want to go to
Lake Havasu
Does a bear BEAR shit in the WOODS???
So we get babysitters and pack up for the weekend. We are going with her family and a bunch of their friends who all have boats. I'm excited and thrilled to be a part of this adventure. As soon as I get there I meet George. We are instantly attracted to one another and the flirtation starts. Now mix the flirting in with alot of drinking...and wa-la instant chemistry. (We'd find out later that the chemistry was NOT just alcohol induced..ha ha ha) We spent a magical 4 days together, and when he left the day before me, I was really bummed. You see, he lives in the OC, and I live in Nevada. We decided at that moment, that at times in life it is about timing...which in this case was working against us. So we make a pact to stay in touch, at all costs. No matter what. And we have. He came to stay with me for a weekend about 4 months after our initial meeting, and lo & behold...that amazing chemistry was still intact. But the fact still remains...he lives in Cali, and I in Nevada.
Over the course of the last year and 1/2 I have come to learn alot about George. We have indeed stayed in touch. We email, text message and talk on the phone. We still have that "connection" but have basically come to terms with the fact that we both have kids to raise and we have alot of distance between us. So we became friends. Over the course of this friendship...I learned that he is an AMAZING mechanic. He continually buys old cars, restores them and sells them. Its basically just something he does as a hobby...something to occupy his time(and keep him sane) While the rest of us are sitting on our asses watching tv, he is tinkering around in his garage fixing up cars. It's great. He sends me pictures of all of his new finds, fills me in on what he is doing. He just got a
1969 Le Mans
And is currently working on it.
Now we have always joked about him being my "dream man" because he works on cars. Last night in talking to him, he tells me that now that I am moving closer to him (we'll be about an hour and 1/2 from one another).
that he wasn't kidding, He would really love to help me build my dream car. It'll take time, and money....but that we can actually start looking when I move he'll help me look for the car, and little by little...we can work on it until it becomes what I want. No only will he do it, but he says he would "love to do it"!!!!!!!!! Talk about something to look forward to. Now Im scanning the internet, looking for something, anything that I want....It's a whole new feeling to be actually working on something u have dreamed about for so many years......one of my major dreams within my grasp and becomming a reality leaves me with a feeling that I can't even begin to explain.
It's like lil warm fuzzies in my tummy.
I now feel that I have something to look forward to, no matter what.
And it is an amazing feeling!!!! A feeling I intend on holding onto.
After all, life is about achieving yr dreams....even if that means a 1957 GMC Pickup Truck!!!!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Sex on the brain......
A month.
Thats how long it has been since I have had sex.
A MONTH!!!
I'm not normally the gurl that waits a month. I always have at least someone waiting in the wings. Some booty-boy that I keep hanging around. I'm like a guy when it comes to sex. I want as much as I can get, as often as I can get it. The older I get, the worse it gets. I usually date younger, I think almost specifically for that reason. Young guys are like stallions and want sex all of the time. That's me. I'm the "I'm gonna luvvvv ya all night long and then run out the door before u wake up" gurl. I also think, if u are in MY bed...u need to put out or GET OUT! My current "booty boy" of the moment is James. 7+ years my junior. About as HOTTTT as they come. Italian. Black hair and crystal clear blue eyes. Bedroom eyes. Boy can he work it. I usually see him about once or twice a week. We talk everyday on email from work. The messages and thoughts he sends me.
WOW.
His emails of what he wants to do to me, or recounting the things he HAS doneto me...give me that lil tingly feeling. The kind that make u want to run home and take care of business. We usually play this little "Sexual banter" game for a few days...talking about our fantasies...until it leads up to the point of explosion...then we meet up. I dress up. My higest heels, shortest skirt. I go commando to surprise him...he likes to play games, and I oblige. Beautiful body, great face...he plays guitar in a band, so he knows how to use his hands (as well as some other valuable parts!) It is a blissful night, and I get my fill...many times over. Usually 5. I sneek out as the sun is comming up. A satisfied woman.
I like James, he knows our boundaries. Most men don't. After a few booty calls, alot of men start calling all of the time. They want to do dinner, they want to hang out. To me, it is what it is...sex...Albeit GOOD sex...but still just sex. You can't take something that is purely sexual, and try to make it more. There is a reason that u have just a "Sexual" relationship with certain people. I don't understand why some men don't get that. Because we fuck, doesn't mean I want to marry you. Or date you. Or see you more than twice a week. James gets that. So ours is a perfect union. I don't care what he does when I'm not in his bed. I don't question where he has been, who he is with, or what he has done. And he gives me that same respect. Respect of our private lives that don't involve one another. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some callous uncaring bitch. James is a GREAT guy. He smart, eloquent, caring, funny, good natured and I COMPLETELY respect him as a person. We are both at places in our lives where a "relationship" isn't in the cards. So we don't kid ourselves into thinking that it is. It works and I have no complaints. He has been the best "booty boy" I have ever had regarding the "no strings attached" clause. MaybeI ought to draw up a contract with consequences for future endeavors.
We'll see...It's been a few weeks since I have received an email from James...unlike him. Hectic and stressful times at work for us both...and with me moving, I've had to turn his offers for sexual encounters down a few times...I'm thinking he doesn't like that. Maybe it's time to reverse the roles and for ME to start the emails or calls. Then again, maybe I ought to get off my ass...get out of the house, and find myself another playmate.
When I'm in pursuit of a new Boy Toy, it's never hard to find. Batteries only take ya so far, so many times in one day!
One month and counting.
Let's see how long the dry spell lasts...and if I take the initiative to DO something proactive about it!!!
Maybe it's in the cards:
Greetings Samantha --
Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, August 24:
The stars work in mysterious ways. Just when you'd given up hope on getting something, somehow everything rearranges itself to get you exactly what you need -- and no delivery fee, even.
Thats how long it has been since I have had sex.
A MONTH!!!
I'm not normally the gurl that waits a month. I always have at least someone waiting in the wings. Some booty-boy that I keep hanging around. I'm like a guy when it comes to sex. I want as much as I can get, as often as I can get it. The older I get, the worse it gets. I usually date younger, I think almost specifically for that reason. Young guys are like stallions and want sex all of the time. That's me. I'm the "I'm gonna luvvvv ya all night long and then run out the door before u wake up" gurl. I also think, if u are in MY bed...u need to put out or GET OUT! My current "booty boy" of the moment is James. 7+ years my junior. About as HOTTTT as they come. Italian. Black hair and crystal clear blue eyes. Bedroom eyes. Boy can he work it. I usually see him about once or twice a week. We talk everyday on email from work. The messages and thoughts he sends me.
WOW.
His emails of what he wants to do to me, or recounting the things he HAS doneto me...give me that lil tingly feeling. The kind that make u want to run home and take care of business. We usually play this little "Sexual banter" game for a few days...talking about our fantasies...until it leads up to the point of explosion...then we meet up. I dress up. My higest heels, shortest skirt. I go commando to surprise him...he likes to play games, and I oblige. Beautiful body, great face...he plays guitar in a band, so he knows how to use his hands (as well as some other valuable parts!) It is a blissful night, and I get my fill...many times over. Usually 5. I sneek out as the sun is comming up. A satisfied woman.
I like James, he knows our boundaries. Most men don't. After a few booty calls, alot of men start calling all of the time. They want to do dinner, they want to hang out. To me, it is what it is...sex...Albeit GOOD sex...but still just sex. You can't take something that is purely sexual, and try to make it more. There is a reason that u have just a "Sexual" relationship with certain people. I don't understand why some men don't get that. Because we fuck, doesn't mean I want to marry you. Or date you. Or see you more than twice a week. James gets that. So ours is a perfect union. I don't care what he does when I'm not in his bed. I don't question where he has been, who he is with, or what he has done. And he gives me that same respect. Respect of our private lives that don't involve one another. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some callous uncaring bitch. James is a GREAT guy. He smart, eloquent, caring, funny, good natured and I COMPLETELY respect him as a person. We are both at places in our lives where a "relationship" isn't in the cards. So we don't kid ourselves into thinking that it is. It works and I have no complaints. He has been the best "booty boy" I have ever had regarding the "no strings attached" clause. MaybeI ought to draw up a contract with consequences for future endeavors.
We'll see...It's been a few weeks since I have received an email from James...unlike him. Hectic and stressful times at work for us both...and with me moving, I've had to turn his offers for sexual encounters down a few times...I'm thinking he doesn't like that. Maybe it's time to reverse the roles and for ME to start the emails or calls. Then again, maybe I ought to get off my ass...get out of the house, and find myself another playmate.
When I'm in pursuit of a new Boy Toy, it's never hard to find. Batteries only take ya so far, so many times in one day!
One month and counting.
Let's see how long the dry spell lasts...and if I take the initiative to DO something proactive about it!!!
Maybe it's in the cards:
Greetings Samantha --
Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, August 24:
The stars work in mysterious ways. Just when you'd given up hope on getting something, somehow everything rearranges itself to get you exactly what you need -- and no delivery fee, even.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
The Cup that Saved the Day!
I finally got a good nights sleep. After weeks of tossing and turning I finally gave in to Tylenol PM.
I don't usually like to take sleep aids, because at the end of the day, they dont really help me sleep through the night they just help me fall asleep and then make me so damn groggy that I still wake up all night. Then I'm just too groggy to move(which means I lay in bed all night too tired to get up and go to the bathroom...which in turn STILL keeps me awake) But last night, after about a weeks worth of 1-2 hours of sleep a night, I finally gave in. And guess what? I slept all night. In bed by 10:15, and out not too long after that. I didn't wake up at all until around 7a.m.
But now comes the fun part. Upon awakening I feel like I got a goodnights sleep. I mosey my ass out of bed...and right into the shower...all is going good. After the shower it's all downhill from there. I'm SOOOO lethargic feeling that I feel like I'm sleepwalking. I feel totally unlike myself (and totally useless, I might add!) I'm usually the one that people frown at first thing in the morning, the "WHY are u ALWAYS so chipper in the morning" person. Not today. Here I sit, on my third cup of coffee(which in turn, will make it impossible to sleep tonight) wondering which is worse?? The lack of sleep? (which still leaves me feeling OK in the morning and FUNCTIONAL) or the total sleep? (which in turn makes me feel like this drugged ZOMBIE)?
COFFEE TIME!
Monday, August 22, 2005
Shoes....
So, considering the fact that I am moving in 42 days...and had alot of nothing goin on this weekend...I decided to get a move on the packing. As I stand in my room I try to figure out where to start. Knick Knacks? ummmmm....No. I won't be leaving for awhile and I want the comfort of my things around me, don't want to live in a barran, empty space for another 6 weeks. I start under my bathroom sink and realize...I cant move these boxes down to the garage because everything will explode in the 200 degree heat of my garage. So I move on to my closet.
Now, Im definatly a girl that goes after what I want. And apparently what I want is SHOES...
MANY MANY MANY shoes. I start going through my closet and pull out pair after pair. I have platforms, flip flops, Stilettos, boots, clogs....the list is endless. You name it, I have it. I think to myself..."when did I become such a SHOE WHORE?" If u want black boots...I have about 10 prs. I have knee high hooker boots...high heel boots, short boots, rugged boots, girly boots...
and dont get me started with sandals. I have more pairs in one color than most women have as a total!~!~!~!
I got less than 1/2 way done....(Yes, I have 2 full size closets) and have already counted about 60 pr of shoes. Not that this is really that suprising to me...I mean, I DID buy them all....
Its just when they are all laying out in front of u, it really makes a statment!
I'm the next Imelda Marcos in the making...ha ha ha
During the course of my packing I have realized though not an obsessive personality...
I do have a FEW obsessions...
SHOES(obviously)
Concerts
and JOHNNY DEPP
I do suppose we all have vices in life, and at least I am realizing mine before Im old as DUST!
Now, Im definatly a girl that goes after what I want. And apparently what I want is SHOES...
MANY MANY MANY shoes. I start going through my closet and pull out pair after pair. I have platforms, flip flops, Stilettos, boots, clogs....the list is endless. You name it, I have it. I think to myself..."when did I become such a SHOE WHORE?" If u want black boots...I have about 10 prs. I have knee high hooker boots...high heel boots, short boots, rugged boots, girly boots...
and dont get me started with sandals. I have more pairs in one color than most women have as a total!~!~!~!
I got less than 1/2 way done....(Yes, I have 2 full size closets) and have already counted about 60 pr of shoes. Not that this is really that suprising to me...I mean, I DID buy them all....
Its just when they are all laying out in front of u, it really makes a statment!
I'm the next Imelda Marcos in the making...ha ha ha
During the course of my packing I have realized though not an obsessive personality...
I do have a FEW obsessions...
SHOES(obviously)
Concerts
and JOHNNY DEPP
I do suppose we all have vices in life, and at least I am realizing mine before Im old as DUST!
My Top 10
Ok, so I guess this thing is going around where we are "tagged" to do our top 10 list...
So as a good friend to someone who "tagged" me...I shall oblidge...but u WILL owe me...
he he he
10 things I LOVE LOVE LOVE
#1. My kids and family. Whom without, I have NO CLUE where I would be or what type of person I would have become.
#2. My friends, whom I consider my extended familia....and would do ANYTHING for.
#3. My three S's, Sushi, Shopping and SEX...not in that order!!! oh yeah...SHOES...which was going to be my BLOG for today.
#4. The beach, the sand in my toes....
#5. Waking up next to someone I love
#6. Camping
#7. people whom u know the second u meet them...that they will be fiends for life.
#8. My job
#9. CONCERTS CONCERTS CONCERTS(and probably alot higher on the list)
#10. JOHNNY DEPP!!!! (see previous)
OH YES....I COMPLETLY forgot to add in Fairies/butterflies....they are my ultimate FAVORITE!!!
10 things I hate(can we use dislike?)
#1. People who use their kids as pawns
#2. Stupid people make my head hurt...which would explain why I always have a headache!
#3. People who don't realize if u just are honest and excuse yrself from a relationship...u dont have to cheat.
#4. People who don't think about others feelings.
#5. Bad parents(live in Vegas for awhile...u'll see what I mean)
#6. CRACKHEADS
#7. Liars
#8. Insomnia
#9. Being at odds with someone I love
#10.People who think that are always right, or better than other people
=)
So as a good friend to someone who "tagged" me...I shall oblidge...but u WILL owe me...
he he he
10 things I LOVE LOVE LOVE
#1. My kids and family. Whom without, I have NO CLUE where I would be or what type of person I would have become.
#2. My friends, whom I consider my extended familia....and would do ANYTHING for.
#3. My three S's, Sushi, Shopping and SEX...not in that order!!! oh yeah...SHOES...which was going to be my BLOG for today.
#4. The beach, the sand in my toes....
#5. Waking up next to someone I love
#6. Camping
#7. people whom u know the second u meet them...that they will be fiends for life.
#8. My job
#9. CONCERTS CONCERTS CONCERTS(and probably alot higher on the list)
#10. JOHNNY DEPP!!!! (see previous)
OH YES....I COMPLETLY forgot to add in Fairies/butterflies....they are my ultimate FAVORITE!!!
10 things I hate(can we use dislike?)
#1. People who use their kids as pawns
#2. Stupid people make my head hurt...which would explain why I always have a headache!
#3. People who don't realize if u just are honest and excuse yrself from a relationship...u dont have to cheat.
#4. People who don't think about others feelings.
#5. Bad parents(live in Vegas for awhile...u'll see what I mean)
#6. CRACKHEADS
#7. Liars
#8. Insomnia
#9. Being at odds with someone I love
#10.People who think that are always right, or better than other people
=)
This Would be me....
NOT SLEEPING! Why is it that when ALL u want to do is lay yr head down and fall right to sleep....that is the one and only thing u CANNOT do??
Sleep has been eluding me alot lately....
I'm dead tired as my head hits the pillow...but the second it does...I'm WIDE awake.
So here I lay at almost three AM...tossing, turning, and wishing I could just fall asleep!
Friday, August 19, 2005
Something Different...
I'm starting to try to figure out more about this Blogging thing. As I browse through other people's sites I realize that there is alot that can be done to make this spot more my own. I've been so busy(and having my laptop stolen isn't helping in wanting to work on the comptuer) that I haven't thought about it much. So I will make little changes one at a time. So many idea's and such a procrastinator!!!!
In reading a good friends blog I jumped to someone who had posted a comment and got involved in her blog. She was talking about people in America. And as sad as it is to say, I totally agree with alot of what she said. The way people percieve "Americans" in general...is appalling.
I am American, born and raised.
I don't consider myself to fall under the catagory that most people put us in. I am polite. I Love people, I can get along with a wall (if it would only talk back) Im very laid back and easy going...and low maintenance. Which I know is hard to believe because SO many woman aren't.
I agreed with her generilazation of most American men. I don't want a man prettier than me...
I don't want a man that is more dramatic than me, someone who will hog up the mirror, or take longer than me to get ready...someone who cant just walk out the door without primping....
It's so funny the way I seem to happen upon something that totally applies to my day to day living at the moment.
I'm dealing with what she was talking about as I type.
I came into work today....43 days until my move.
We have three offices. Today my supervisor comes in and as I go to walk out of the office she says "Sam, come in and close the door"
uh oh.
That always gets me, I feel like a small child waiting to be scolded...internally thinking "what did I do?" She proceeds to tell me, that two of our co-workers what work in our other office have been at each others throats. Two days ago they had a confrontation which escalated in the lobby of our very professional practice. This morning she took the two of them to Starbucks and tried to have an intervention. Nothing was resolved. One of them said if they had to stay in the situation....she would walk. My boss freaked. She said "Sam, Im having enough trouble trying to find someone to replace you, I can't afford to loose two people" and then she followed it up with "Do u think u can start working at the other office until u move"
sigh.
I have been working at the same office for 5 years. The people I work with are like my family.
Leaving my job(and subsequently the people I work with) is the ONLY downfall to me moving back to Southern California.
I LOVE my co-workers.
What's a gurl to do?
Of course, I said whatever is best for the practice, I don't want my boss in a bind.
But the more I think about it, the MADDER it makes me.
I mean...these women, are employees. Neither one of them is irreplaceable. They have worked together for 2 years. They are just being impossible. Makes me think...who is the boss?? And if these women value their job, shouldn't they be able to put aside their differences for their job?
I mean we all end up, at some point, working with someone we don't particularily like. But we aren't 12, so we work around it, and make it work. Why is it O.K. to be impossible in the workplace. And what is allowing someone to be impossible...saying to our other employees?
If u dont get yr way, and u can't get along...we will move u around(regardless of the people who ARE and HAVE been functioning for years) until u find yr nitch?
So here I sit, packing up MY desk....moving out of my place....
Being the better person that I always try to be...
Doing what is the best for everyone around me(though not always what I want)
Being that American that is unlike alot of other Americans.
Maybe I ought to move to a different country...if that is where everyone is nicer.
haha
Everyone in the office is filing past my desk (after my boss put out the email making everyone aware of the change) and emailing me. I'm already getting hugs and being made to CRY. It's like I moving today instead of 43 days from now.
This isn't something I was prepared for....
ugh
Ok, enough ranting....just had to get that off of my chest.
I wonder what my horoscope says for today??
In reading a good friends blog I jumped to someone who had posted a comment and got involved in her blog. She was talking about people in America. And as sad as it is to say, I totally agree with alot of what she said. The way people percieve "Americans" in general...is appalling.
I am American, born and raised.
I don't consider myself to fall under the catagory that most people put us in. I am polite. I Love people, I can get along with a wall (if it would only talk back) Im very laid back and easy going...and low maintenance. Which I know is hard to believe because SO many woman aren't.
I agreed with her generilazation of most American men. I don't want a man prettier than me...
I don't want a man that is more dramatic than me, someone who will hog up the mirror, or take longer than me to get ready...someone who cant just walk out the door without primping....
It's so funny the way I seem to happen upon something that totally applies to my day to day living at the moment.
I'm dealing with what she was talking about as I type.
I came into work today....43 days until my move.
We have three offices. Today my supervisor comes in and as I go to walk out of the office she says "Sam, come in and close the door"
uh oh.
That always gets me, I feel like a small child waiting to be scolded...internally thinking "what did I do?" She proceeds to tell me, that two of our co-workers what work in our other office have been at each others throats. Two days ago they had a confrontation which escalated in the lobby of our very professional practice. This morning she took the two of them to Starbucks and tried to have an intervention. Nothing was resolved. One of them said if they had to stay in the situation....she would walk. My boss freaked. She said "Sam, Im having enough trouble trying to find someone to replace you, I can't afford to loose two people" and then she followed it up with "Do u think u can start working at the other office until u move"
sigh.
I have been working at the same office for 5 years. The people I work with are like my family.
Leaving my job(and subsequently the people I work with) is the ONLY downfall to me moving back to Southern California.
I LOVE my co-workers.
What's a gurl to do?
Of course, I said whatever is best for the practice, I don't want my boss in a bind.
But the more I think about it, the MADDER it makes me.
I mean...these women, are employees. Neither one of them is irreplaceable. They have worked together for 2 years. They are just being impossible. Makes me think...who is the boss?? And if these women value their job, shouldn't they be able to put aside their differences for their job?
I mean we all end up, at some point, working with someone we don't particularily like. But we aren't 12, so we work around it, and make it work. Why is it O.K. to be impossible in the workplace. And what is allowing someone to be impossible...saying to our other employees?
If u dont get yr way, and u can't get along...we will move u around(regardless of the people who ARE and HAVE been functioning for years) until u find yr nitch?
So here I sit, packing up MY desk....moving out of my place....
Being the better person that I always try to be...
Doing what is the best for everyone around me(though not always what I want)
Being that American that is unlike alot of other Americans.
Maybe I ought to move to a different country...if that is where everyone is nicer.
haha
Everyone in the office is filing past my desk (after my boss put out the email making everyone aware of the change) and emailing me. I'm already getting hugs and being made to CRY. It's like I moving today instead of 43 days from now.
This isn't something I was prepared for....
ugh
Ok, enough ranting....just had to get that off of my chest.
I wonder what my horoscope says for today??
Thursday, August 18, 2005
So Funny..
That it seems no matter WHAT is going on in my life...my horoscopes just seem so insightful.
I have been SO busy lately faxing off my resume, starting to pack, looking for a place to live, getting letters of reccomendation...that I have seriously let everything else in my life fall oto the wayside. I've been on my phone so much making mandatory calls, that I hardly want to pick it up for social calls. So sorry to everyone that is near and dear to me.
My horoscope for today:
Greetings Samantha
--Here is your horoscope for Thursday, August 18:
Feeling nervous? Shake it off. That slight sense of anxiety is just a leftover sensation from how hard you've been working. Schedule in some downtime for yourself, and stick to it no matter what.
So I've decided to do just that. When? No idea. And what? No idea there either.
Tonight Mike is comming over so that we can go shopping for fabric. I promised him I would sew him some costumes for Burning Man http://www.burningman.com . I was supposed to be going with him, but with the move I will have to skip this year(which is heartbreaking in itself!!!!) I highly recommend going at least once in yr lifetime! Sooooo...no BM for me, but I will still hold true to my promise and make his costumes. We met for lunch to buy fabric and ended up doing lunch instead of shopping. So funny, once we get to talking we don't get much else done. He keeps teasing that he is going to move with me and be my houseboy. Gotta love him!
So....now to figuring out how to get a lil R&R in the midst of this thing I call life.
My co-worker is taking me to Thunder From Down Under http://www.thunderfromdownunder.com/ for a going away present (me personally, I don't go for all the guys in THONGS...just not my style) Which should be fun, more for the "gurls night" quality than anything else...
Time is a tickin away faster than I would have thought!!!
44 days and counting!
Continued:
I get my horoscope from more than one place, here is what my other one says:
Now is no time to sell yourself short. Today, you'll discover that you have what it takes to promote yourself and your ideas more aggressively
WOW!
I have been SO busy lately faxing off my resume, starting to pack, looking for a place to live, getting letters of reccomendation...that I have seriously let everything else in my life fall oto the wayside. I've been on my phone so much making mandatory calls, that I hardly want to pick it up for social calls. So sorry to everyone that is near and dear to me.
My horoscope for today:
Greetings Samantha
--Here is your horoscope for Thursday, August 18:
Feeling nervous? Shake it off. That slight sense of anxiety is just a leftover sensation from how hard you've been working. Schedule in some downtime for yourself, and stick to it no matter what.
So I've decided to do just that. When? No idea. And what? No idea there either.
Tonight Mike is comming over so that we can go shopping for fabric. I promised him I would sew him some costumes for Burning Man http://www.burningman.com . I was supposed to be going with him, but with the move I will have to skip this year(which is heartbreaking in itself!!!!) I highly recommend going at least once in yr lifetime! Sooooo...no BM for me, but I will still hold true to my promise and make his costumes. We met for lunch to buy fabric and ended up doing lunch instead of shopping. So funny, once we get to talking we don't get much else done. He keeps teasing that he is going to move with me and be my houseboy. Gotta love him!
So....now to figuring out how to get a lil R&R in the midst of this thing I call life.
My co-worker is taking me to Thunder From Down Under http://www.thunderfromdownunder.com/ for a going away present (me personally, I don't go for all the guys in THONGS...just not my style) Which should be fun, more for the "gurls night" quality than anything else...
Time is a tickin away faster than I would have thought!!!
44 days and counting!
Continued:
I get my horoscope from more than one place, here is what my other one says:
Now is no time to sell yourself short. Today, you'll discover that you have what it takes to promote yourself and your ideas more aggressively
WOW!
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Time for a Daily Planner.....
Feb 19 - March 20
You'll receive information today that will benefit your current efforts and enable you to help others in the long run as well.
My horoscopes always seem to be DEAD ON. I'm hoping today goes as well as yesterday did.
There is nothing like the fear of looking for a new job. Breaking out of yr safe space and venturing off into new territories. Terrifying... But totally necessary for growth.
I have been working at my current position for almost 5 years and I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job. The people I work with are FANTASTIC, as well as the Doctors. But it is time for a change.
Time to move out of my safe haven and venture out into the real world and the job market...haha
FUN STUFF.
So far, I have been very lucky and gotten a call from every single person that I faxed my resume to. Today is another day, and I am going to start faxing...and hopefully will achieve the same results. I'm hoping to schedule about 10 interviews for Sept 8th and 9th, and rent a car and go home for another extended weekend. Talk about JAZZED.
My only delimma?
My daughter wants to come home with me for a week. My mom goes on her annual House Boat Trip with the women she works with and drive through Las Vegas on her way home. She usually stops and visits. In theory(according to my daughter) Carina can leave Ventura County with the boys(yes..Rhyno, Steven and Mario are going back with me) and I and drive back to Las Vegas where she will stay for a week until my mom rolls through. In theory this sounds FABULOUS....having my daughter home will be great...but in all HONESTY the thought of it scares the crap out of me. I mean, this is the same daughter that I sent away only two months ago to get her out of this town. The same people live here, the same friends are here doing the same things....all of these people my older son and I have managed to cut out of our lives...
People I know she feels the need to "save" from their own demons... People that in reality aren't our responsibility. The boys agree her comming home isnt a good idea....so what do u DO??
Random thoughts in my brain........
You'll receive information today that will benefit your current efforts and enable you to help others in the long run as well.
My horoscopes always seem to be DEAD ON. I'm hoping today goes as well as yesterday did.
There is nothing like the fear of looking for a new job. Breaking out of yr safe space and venturing off into new territories. Terrifying... But totally necessary for growth.
I have been working at my current position for almost 5 years and I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job. The people I work with are FANTASTIC, as well as the Doctors. But it is time for a change.
Time to move out of my safe haven and venture out into the real world and the job market...haha
FUN STUFF.
So far, I have been very lucky and gotten a call from every single person that I faxed my resume to. Today is another day, and I am going to start faxing...and hopefully will achieve the same results. I'm hoping to schedule about 10 interviews for Sept 8th and 9th, and rent a car and go home for another extended weekend. Talk about JAZZED.
My only delimma?
My daughter wants to come home with me for a week. My mom goes on her annual House Boat Trip with the women she works with and drive through Las Vegas on her way home. She usually stops and visits. In theory(according to my daughter) Carina can leave Ventura County with the boys(yes..Rhyno, Steven and Mario are going back with me) and I and drive back to Las Vegas where she will stay for a week until my mom rolls through. In theory this sounds FABULOUS....having my daughter home will be great...but in all HONESTY the thought of it scares the crap out of me. I mean, this is the same daughter that I sent away only two months ago to get her out of this town. The same people live here, the same friends are here doing the same things....all of these people my older son and I have managed to cut out of our lives...
People I know she feels the need to "save" from their own demons... People that in reality aren't our responsibility. The boys agree her comming home isnt a good idea....so what do u DO??
Random thoughts in my brain........
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Faxing, Emailing....
Calling, posting....
Getting yr resume out there can really be a pain. Now I'm recalling why I am that person who stays in the same job for 5 yrs(though I must admit I have to be happy where I work or I'm out the door) Getting all of yr information together, re-doing your resume, getting new letters of recommendation...all the fun stuff that is involved in finding a new job.
I've decided I was doing things a little bit backwards in trying to look at places when I have to figure out where I am working. The Realtor said they have 5 of the houses I am looking at available, so I have decided to FOCUS on the job hunt and cross my fingers and pray that there will still be a house available by the time I find a job. I don't really want my parents to have to co-sign because I haven't found a job at the time I sign for a rental. Gotta have the job to show u can actually pay that $2400 rent.
Luckily I have about 5 of my reps putting feelers out there for me....handing out my resume for me and basically taking al of the legwork away from me, which is WONDERFUL!
I'm starting to feel like everything is comming together. In the last few weeks I have felt SO overwhelmed!! But I have just adopted that "baby steps" mentality realizing that I can only do what I can do and that has to be one thing at a time. So, little by little I am doing everything that needs to be done. I'm well on my way to finding a job, got the resume done and out there...
Made some calls on some houses and my family is running around back home looking and snapping digital photos to email me(this works because it is allowing my kids to be an integral part of house hunting with my mom and brother) Now it is just the final steps...trying to find a second job for the next 6 weeks to help save money faster, and packing! And of course nailing down the job and house. Still alot to do, but making MUCH needed headway which actually is allowing me to sleep at night. Still stressful...but more of a productive stress!
Wish me LUCK!!!
*Update-20 minutes after faxing my resume to 4 places I got a job offer. It's not exactly what I'm looking for, 1 Dr practice, no insurance and the pay could meet my low end...but probably not the high end(WHich the woman told me I would have NO problem getting in Ventura County with my experience) So we are going to keep in touch...at least it is an option =) *
Getting yr resume out there can really be a pain. Now I'm recalling why I am that person who stays in the same job for 5 yrs(though I must admit I have to be happy where I work or I'm out the door) Getting all of yr information together, re-doing your resume, getting new letters of recommendation...all the fun stuff that is involved in finding a new job.
I've decided I was doing things a little bit backwards in trying to look at places when I have to figure out where I am working. The Realtor said they have 5 of the houses I am looking at available, so I have decided to FOCUS on the job hunt and cross my fingers and pray that there will still be a house available by the time I find a job. I don't really want my parents to have to co-sign because I haven't found a job at the time I sign for a rental. Gotta have the job to show u can actually pay that $2400 rent.
Luckily I have about 5 of my reps putting feelers out there for me....handing out my resume for me and basically taking al of the legwork away from me, which is WONDERFUL!
I'm starting to feel like everything is comming together. In the last few weeks I have felt SO overwhelmed!! But I have just adopted that "baby steps" mentality realizing that I can only do what I can do and that has to be one thing at a time. So, little by little I am doing everything that needs to be done. I'm well on my way to finding a job, got the resume done and out there...
Made some calls on some houses and my family is running around back home looking and snapping digital photos to email me(this works because it is allowing my kids to be an integral part of house hunting with my mom and brother) Now it is just the final steps...trying to find a second job for the next 6 weeks to help save money faster, and packing! And of course nailing down the job and house. Still alot to do, but making MUCH needed headway which actually is allowing me to sleep at night. Still stressful...but more of a productive stress!
Wish me LUCK!!!
*Update-20 minutes after faxing my resume to 4 places I got a job offer. It's not exactly what I'm looking for, 1 Dr practice, no insurance and the pay could meet my low end...but probably not the high end(WHich the woman told me I would have NO problem getting in Ventura County with my experience) So we are going to keep in touch...at least it is an option =) *
Monday, August 15, 2005
My trip home
Was WONDERFUL! This is my friend Jenn, she hasn't been on the beach in a LONG time and she was Sooooooo excited to be there. Her posing CRACKED me up. The weekend was FANTASTIC and everything that I could have hoped for. Didn't actually accomplish as much as I wanted to, but it was a much needed break from Las Vegas and a MUCH MUCH MUCH needed weekend with my kids. It was horrible to leave but it gives me newfound determination to put my head in the game and get everything rolling to move home. Being around my brother and his fiance and the rest of my family made me realize how incomplete my life has been over the course of the last few years. Just hearing my brother laugh and call out to me "sister"gave me joy. My brother and I have always been very close. Somtimes it's that mushy kind of love and other times it is the "love/hate" hahaha. Not realy ever hate but u know what I mean if u have sibilings. Though I must admit, we are closer than most. People around us find it amusing because we never call eachother by our names...he is "Brother" and I am "Sister" we have used these names for eachother since we were children and they have stuck through adulthood. He is 4 yrs younger, but acts likes he is older....the kind of brother that watches me like a hawk, and is always looking out for my best interest. I must admit it gets rather annoying the way he chases the guys off though!!!!!
My kids are doing great, which is a double edged sword. As much as u want yr kids to do well...them thriving without YOU makes u feel kind of useless. Though the look in their eyes tells me that they need me and miss me. I can't wait to be where my heart is. Living on the beach...near everyone that I need and love in my life.
I'm completely jazzed to be on this journey. I just wish the end was in closer sight(and that saving enough money to MAKE that journey wasn't so difficult) I've decided I'm definatly moving at the start of Oct, whether I can afford it or not...
Sometimes u just have to bite the bullet and take that plunge!!!!
So that is exactly what I am going to do. Just GO FOR IT!!! What's the worst that can happen?
I'll be broke and squashed into tight living quarters for a few months until I can get us into a bigger place....but I'll be with those I love...where I want to be, living life the way it was meant to be lived. Sometimes just jumping into unchartered waters and doing what feels right in yr heart is the only "right" answer....and the key to finding peace.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Anticipation.....
When u want something so bad u can feel it through your entire body =)
Today is my Friday being as I am going home for the weekend. Home being the place I am actually from not where I live.
With 50 more days until the move, we have decided to go home for the weekend for several reasons:
#1. I miss my kids SO terribly that I feel like I am choking
#2. Drew's(my youngest) 14th birthday is the 14th of Aug
#3. To start looking for a place, and JOBS to AFFORD that place!
#4. Just to go and visit with my family, since I haven't been home since Xmas
#5. All 5 of us going, are in MUCH NEED of a mini vacation!
I have been patiently waiting for this weekend to come, and now that it is here...I'm SOOOOOO
ecstatic!! I think we have decided to skip the County Fair, as my family says it is in poor form this year. Personally I had decided it was a money trap that I didn't need to visit with 10 people whilst I try to save money. I'll get more accomplished(like registering kids for school, and hitting realty offices) if we make the weekend a little more low key. Rhino is moving with us and was only there once @ Xmas when we didn't have time to do much(other than hit Magic Mountain)....so we want to show him around. Maybe take a drive up the coast(the entire city is on the Ocean) go to the pier, maybe drive the 20 minutes into Santa Barbara.
JOBS...that is what we are working on this weekend too. Though in my business it's more about who u know...I always go through my Reps, who know me well and know I am good at what I do. Several of them have givin me their home fax #'s(One of my major labs here is in N. Hollywood and they have offices that use them in Oxnard, Ventura, Santa Barbara, Santa Paula, Pt. Huemene, Camarillo and Thousand Oaks...all of which are 20 minutes from where I will live)
This is how I got my current job. Also looks like the pay will be alot more, helps that now I have 10 yrs experience.
Things are looking up. Life is what you make of it...and at the moment it is time to HUSSLE and use all of my abilities to get where I want to be. I defiantly see a light at the end of the tunnel, which when I first started this project of moving was very very dim. Now the light is shining brightly...and all I have to do is want it enough...and reach for it!
"happiness is not a destination, its a method of travel"
Today is my Friday being as I am going home for the weekend. Home being the place I am actually from not where I live.
With 50 more days until the move, we have decided to go home for the weekend for several reasons:
#1. I miss my kids SO terribly that I feel like I am choking
#2. Drew's(my youngest) 14th birthday is the 14th of Aug
#3. To start looking for a place, and JOBS to AFFORD that place!
#4. Just to go and visit with my family, since I haven't been home since Xmas
#5. All 5 of us going, are in MUCH NEED of a mini vacation!
I have been patiently waiting for this weekend to come, and now that it is here...I'm SOOOOOO
ecstatic!! I think we have decided to skip the County Fair, as my family says it is in poor form this year. Personally I had decided it was a money trap that I didn't need to visit with 10 people whilst I try to save money. I'll get more accomplished(like registering kids for school, and hitting realty offices) if we make the weekend a little more low key. Rhino is moving with us and was only there once @ Xmas when we didn't have time to do much(other than hit Magic Mountain)....so we want to show him around. Maybe take a drive up the coast(the entire city is on the Ocean) go to the pier, maybe drive the 20 minutes into Santa Barbara.
JOBS...that is what we are working on this weekend too. Though in my business it's more about who u know...I always go through my Reps, who know me well and know I am good at what I do. Several of them have givin me their home fax #'s(One of my major labs here is in N. Hollywood and they have offices that use them in Oxnard, Ventura, Santa Barbara, Santa Paula, Pt. Huemene, Camarillo and Thousand Oaks...all of which are 20 minutes from where I will live)
This is how I got my current job. Also looks like the pay will be alot more, helps that now I have 10 yrs experience.
Things are looking up. Life is what you make of it...and at the moment it is time to HUSSLE and use all of my abilities to get where I want to be. I defiantly see a light at the end of the tunnel, which when I first started this project of moving was very very dim. Now the light is shining brightly...and all I have to do is want it enough...and reach for it!
"happiness is not a destination, its a method of travel"
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
YAY!
I just read that my newest FAVORITE author Agusten Burroughs' book isbeing made into a movie!!!! Running With Scissors is being produced by Plan B(Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitts production company) and is starring Gwyneth Paltrow. I wonder when it will be out. How FANTASTIC is THAT??
OOPS...I almost forgot to pick up his next book that I had ordered!!! On my way after work!
OOPS...I almost forgot to pick up his next book that I had ordered!!! On my way after work!
looking up....
I'm feeeling MUCH better today. Sometimes it is hard to have faith. Sometimes u forget that u have raised your kids the right way, taught them to think for themselves and make the right choices. It's been a hard few weeks but I finally see light at the end of the tunnel. Growing into adulthood is a hard task, learning that u can't always count on those that u have always considered to be "friends" is an experience that takes u from childhood to adulthood. It's something all of us have had to learn through the course of our lives, but it doesn't make it any easier when your child goes through it. Needless to say, my son not only made the right choice to not be drug down the same path as his friends, but also made the decision to sever the friendship if it was going to continually put him in less than desirable position...
Sometimes, as hard as it is, you just have to stand back and let yr children learn for themselves. I've learned that sometimes it takes different people different things to come to the same conclusion. Just because I may have said "enough is enough" doesn't mean he has gotten to that point. We all have different thresholds of tolerance.
YAY! Problem solved, and I'm feeling a little more posative about things today. I am normally always "the glass is 1/2 full" gurl. Just alot of stuff going on at the moment.
This weekend I get to go HOME for 4 days!!! YAY! I'm so excited. I have 51 days until I move(yes I'm STILL counting!) I can't wait to be out of work and gone for the weekend. The County Fair, Piantball Tournament, and SHOPPING @ BLUE MOON!!! My favorite clothing store in the world(or at least the parts of it I have been in) Beachy, Bohemian, casual...very kewl stuff.
The beach the sand the surf...
I'm overwhelmed with homesickness...maybe this weekend will help!!
Sometimes, as hard as it is, you just have to stand back and let yr children learn for themselves. I've learned that sometimes it takes different people different things to come to the same conclusion. Just because I may have said "enough is enough" doesn't mean he has gotten to that point. We all have different thresholds of tolerance.
YAY! Problem solved, and I'm feeling a little more posative about things today. I am normally always "the glass is 1/2 full" gurl. Just alot of stuff going on at the moment.
This weekend I get to go HOME for 4 days!!! YAY! I'm so excited. I have 51 days until I move(yes I'm STILL counting!) I can't wait to be out of work and gone for the weekend. The County Fair, Piantball Tournament, and SHOPPING @ BLUE MOON!!! My favorite clothing store in the world(or at least the parts of it I have been in) Beachy, Bohemian, casual...very kewl stuff.
The beach the sand the surf...
I'm overwhelmed with homesickness...maybe this weekend will help!!
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Gloooomy....
Like my mood. Looking back on my last few posts and I realize that it has been an especially hard week for me. Nothing posative to say at the moment. Just kinda in a funk and not feeling like myself which is VERY unlike me. Guess we all have those moments that are less than wonderful. Just alot on my mind and hurt in my heart. Some things, try as u might...u just cant fix. Maybe THAT is when u give up hope.
52 days and counting, til I leave this town and never look back...
"If one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better."
52 days and counting, til I leave this town and never look back...
"If one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better."
Monday, August 08, 2005
Dashboard Confessionals.....
Isn't that the name of a band?? I know it is, I think I have even seen them in concert. I wonder if that name came about from this site. I mean, this is called "Dashboard" and I certainly consider this to be a confessional. I mean...where else canu talk so candidly...? Where else can u speak your mind so freely...open up yr heart, and just be yourself without having to worry about anyone judging you?
Writing down my thoughts and feeling has always been a way to release things in my life. Bad things, good things...or just things I need to "get out". Strange how sometimes the things in yr head...are the last things to reach your tounge. I share alot with my friends, but there are still those thoughts and moments that u keep to yrself. Hence having a lil spot of my own on this site. A non-judgemental place. Somewhere I can be me and say anything I want to....no matter what.
My life has been a series of ups and downs lately. And though I take some comfort in the fact that everyone has those days...sometimes it just seems like MY ups and downs are alot bigger than others. Call me self involved if u want...though most wouldn't even notice because I'm not that introverted person who turns inward when things are bad. I'm still my normal cheerful self. I'm still there for my friends no matter what. I'm still posative...just a little sad.
Being a Pisces I have always been that person that wants to help people. That person that wants to "fix" things, even when they are impossible to fix. I struggle to not only be there for my friends and my kids, but also ALL of my kids friends. It's always worked in my favor...til now. I can't fix everything. I can't make these kids do the right thing, I cant be there for them 24/7 when I have my OWN kids to worry about. I watch as kids I love spiral downward with no one in their lives even noticing. I see cries for help...but those cries aren't directed at me. I feel helpless. Especially when these kids are still trying to hang out with MY kids. Unfortunatly...I have passed on this cursed "fix it" problem to my kids...sooooooooo...when situations arise where I would like my kids to drop certain friends like HOT POTATOES, they can't. THEY TOO want to "fix" and "help" the situations at hand. Now on one hand, I can be patted on the back for raising compassionate kids, but on the other hand I'm kicking myself in the ass for not teaching them when ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Then again....when is enough? When do u give up hope on someone that u love? I mean, if I as a parent had done that with my kids....than maybe I would have lost them. So how do I tell my kids to go against everything in their hearts in trying to help people that they love? And if I can't do that, how do I come to terms with them making that choice without making myself crazy...........?
Always easy to voice my concerns on here, but unfortunatly it doesnt awlways give me the clarity I hope for.
And how fitting is THIS horoscope for me today??? As I feel like a hamster going in circles on his wheel day in and day out revisiting the same problems over and over:
Greetings Samantha --
Here is your horoscope for Monday, August 8:
Sometimes certain circumstances can seem like a rerun of a silly TV show. Fortunately, you can change the channel whenever you want. Heck, it might be time to turn it off altogether!
Stand against a tide of negativity. Be brave and defend what you know is right.
Writing down my thoughts and feeling has always been a way to release things in my life. Bad things, good things...or just things I need to "get out". Strange how sometimes the things in yr head...are the last things to reach your tounge. I share alot with my friends, but there are still those thoughts and moments that u keep to yrself. Hence having a lil spot of my own on this site. A non-judgemental place. Somewhere I can be me and say anything I want to....no matter what.
My life has been a series of ups and downs lately. And though I take some comfort in the fact that everyone has those days...sometimes it just seems like MY ups and downs are alot bigger than others. Call me self involved if u want...though most wouldn't even notice because I'm not that introverted person who turns inward when things are bad. I'm still my normal cheerful self. I'm still there for my friends no matter what. I'm still posative...just a little sad.
Being a Pisces I have always been that person that wants to help people. That person that wants to "fix" things, even when they are impossible to fix. I struggle to not only be there for my friends and my kids, but also ALL of my kids friends. It's always worked in my favor...til now. I can't fix everything. I can't make these kids do the right thing, I cant be there for them 24/7 when I have my OWN kids to worry about. I watch as kids I love spiral downward with no one in their lives even noticing. I see cries for help...but those cries aren't directed at me. I feel helpless. Especially when these kids are still trying to hang out with MY kids. Unfortunatly...I have passed on this cursed "fix it" problem to my kids...sooooooooo...when situations arise where I would like my kids to drop certain friends like HOT POTATOES, they can't. THEY TOO want to "fix" and "help" the situations at hand. Now on one hand, I can be patted on the back for raising compassionate kids, but on the other hand I'm kicking myself in the ass for not teaching them when ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Then again....when is enough? When do u give up hope on someone that u love? I mean, if I as a parent had done that with my kids....than maybe I would have lost them. So how do I tell my kids to go against everything in their hearts in trying to help people that they love? And if I can't do that, how do I come to terms with them making that choice without making myself crazy...........?
Always easy to voice my concerns on here, but unfortunatly it doesnt awlways give me the clarity I hope for.
And how fitting is THIS horoscope for me today??? As I feel like a hamster going in circles on his wheel day in and day out revisiting the same problems over and over:
Greetings Samantha --
Here is your horoscope for Monday, August 8:
Sometimes certain circumstances can seem like a rerun of a silly TV show. Fortunately, you can change the channel whenever you want. Heck, it might be time to turn it off altogether!
Stand against a tide of negativity. Be brave and defend what you know is right.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
and along the way.....
Sitting here at work, bored. CMT is on the TV in the lobby and Im feeling all warm and gushy inside(maybe I drank too much last night? he he)
Listening to Country music always makes me feel so damn sentimental...
I'm sitting here at work and this music makes me want to go buy a house in the country. I'm really a rock gurl at heart...but I have had my own short lived love affair with country music. When we work on Saturdays Gina takes control of the remote to the two tv's in our lobby and country music rings though the office. Its a weird feeling that washes over me. Seems there is a country song for everything in life, which might be part of the reason it always makes me feel so safe, so family oriented...and so comfortable. As much as I try to hide the fact that I am comforted by this....its still there in the back of my mind. Wierd the feelings that wash over you.
So on another wierd note, I have recently made a friend in OK. Today as Im sitting here Gina calls me over to look at her computer screen. She has family in OK. and she has been talking about moving there for the past few years. She shows me this AMAZING house http://teamrobokc.com/MyHomeDTL.asp?homeid=263849 ...more like a mansion. Beautiful, huge yard, corner lot....bathrooms that make u want to live in them....
and then she scrolls down to the cost.....
$269,000
Utterly amazing! Makes me think if I EVER want to be able to afford to buy my own house that I ought to be moving in the opposite direction!
Listening to Country music always makes me feel so damn sentimental...
I'm sitting here at work and this music makes me want to go buy a house in the country. I'm really a rock gurl at heart...but I have had my own short lived love affair with country music. When we work on Saturdays Gina takes control of the remote to the two tv's in our lobby and country music rings though the office. Its a weird feeling that washes over me. Seems there is a country song for everything in life, which might be part of the reason it always makes me feel so safe, so family oriented...and so comfortable. As much as I try to hide the fact that I am comforted by this....its still there in the back of my mind. Wierd the feelings that wash over you.
So on another wierd note, I have recently made a friend in OK. Today as Im sitting here Gina calls me over to look at her computer screen. She has family in OK. and she has been talking about moving there for the past few years. She shows me this AMAZING house http://teamrobokc.com/MyHomeDTL.asp?homeid=263849 ...more like a mansion. Beautiful, huge yard, corner lot....bathrooms that make u want to live in them....
and then she scrolls down to the cost.....
$269,000
Utterly amazing! Makes me think if I EVER want to be able to afford to buy my own house that I ought to be moving in the opposite direction!
Drinking...
and emotions don't go together, then again neither do drinking and the next morning..haha
I've had alot on my emotional plate lately. Sometimes just kicking off the 'ol shoes and knockin back a few helps me release some of that pressure I feel building up around my brain.
So last night my frend came over and we proceeded to get tipsy...veryyyyyy tipsy.
Felt good, it was nice to talk and get a few things out. Talked to my brother too, got the little "You can do it Sister" pep talk about moving. Just knowing that my brother, parents and kids are SO ready for me to move makes me that much more motivated to push harder to get the F#%@ out of here.
Time to push the petal to the metal and "Git 'er done"
So here I go with my lists...
I'm feeling much better. Now if only I could get offa work and go home and NAP!
I've had alot on my emotional plate lately. Sometimes just kicking off the 'ol shoes and knockin back a few helps me release some of that pressure I feel building up around my brain.
So last night my frend came over and we proceeded to get tipsy...veryyyyyy tipsy.
Felt good, it was nice to talk and get a few things out. Talked to my brother too, got the little "You can do it Sister" pep talk about moving. Just knowing that my brother, parents and kids are SO ready for me to move makes me that much more motivated to push harder to get the F#%@ out of here.
Time to push the petal to the metal and "Git 'er done"
So here I go with my lists...
I'm feeling much better. Now if only I could get offa work and go home and NAP!
Friday, August 05, 2005
Where Your Loyalty Lies.....
I'm a very loyal person. The type of person, that once I become your friend...I will always be yr friend...unless of course, something goes terribly awry.
I have been very good friends with Jason for about 4 or 5 years. There is a long history of our friendship...and we have tackled alot in order to be able to maintain our friendship(another long story regarding a psycho X roomate to whom he used to be married) Enter Jenn...my good friend of 3-4 yrs.
In Janurary Jason was shot(by his own gun) in a home envasion. During that time, Jenn and I were visiting him alot trying to be there for him as friends should. During the course of this...
Jenn and Jason became involved (much to my dismay being as the crazy x-roommate is STILL A CO-WORKER) Drama ensued...and try as I might to stay out of the middle...Im SMACK -DAB where I dont want to be!
It's been 4 months now...and the drama is long gone, but now the problem arises: two people who are very different trying to mesh their lives together. Jenn is 24, and has hopes and dreams. Jason is 32 and a single father....set in his ways. He is content to live day to day in his normal "ho-hum" life. Jenn has visions of the life ahead of them...marriage, kids...
She pushes him to be the person he "can be" when in all reality I think he is content being the person that he "is".
I unfortuantly get it from both sides...andI see both sides.
He doesn't like to be pushed...
She wants to know he has goals in life, and isn't going to sit "stagnant".
Both valid...though I personally live under the theory of "to each his own" You have to let people live life as they see fit...and if u love someone, u love them for who they are, not who u can PUSH them into being.
Therewithin lies my problem. Good friend to two...who's loyalty lies eaqually between them...
I understand both sides...and even have my own opinion(which I share with neither of them...because at the end of the day...it would be against one of them)
So as they call me, each exlaining their sides, each wanting me to give them the answers to the lifelong question...."What do I do?"
As a friend, I expect to be consulted with problems...but as a single gal...who has struggled with her own relationship issues in the past....it makes me wonder....
"What great advice DO I give" in the current situation??
All I can come up with, is listen to that internal voice we all have in our heads...the one we usually ignore and follow with the heart anyhow.
We all have the answers to our own problems...buried somewhere deep within....right where we hide them...right where they stay until the point of no return when we finally reach deep into our souls...and pull out the answer that has been there all along...
Loyalty...there is alot to be said for it...
But sometimes it is a hard, lonely road to travel!
I have been very good friends with Jason for about 4 or 5 years. There is a long history of our friendship...and we have tackled alot in order to be able to maintain our friendship(another long story regarding a psycho X roomate to whom he used to be married) Enter Jenn...my good friend of 3-4 yrs.
In Janurary Jason was shot(by his own gun) in a home envasion. During that time, Jenn and I were visiting him alot trying to be there for him as friends should. During the course of this...
Jenn and Jason became involved (much to my dismay being as the crazy x-roommate is STILL A CO-WORKER) Drama ensued...and try as I might to stay out of the middle...Im SMACK -DAB where I dont want to be!
It's been 4 months now...and the drama is long gone, but now the problem arises: two people who are very different trying to mesh their lives together. Jenn is 24, and has hopes and dreams. Jason is 32 and a single father....set in his ways. He is content to live day to day in his normal "ho-hum" life. Jenn has visions of the life ahead of them...marriage, kids...
She pushes him to be the person he "can be" when in all reality I think he is content being the person that he "is".
I unfortuantly get it from both sides...andI see both sides.
He doesn't like to be pushed...
She wants to know he has goals in life, and isn't going to sit "stagnant".
Both valid...though I personally live under the theory of "to each his own" You have to let people live life as they see fit...and if u love someone, u love them for who they are, not who u can PUSH them into being.
Therewithin lies my problem. Good friend to two...who's loyalty lies eaqually between them...
I understand both sides...and even have my own opinion(which I share with neither of them...because at the end of the day...it would be against one of them)
So as they call me, each exlaining their sides, each wanting me to give them the answers to the lifelong question...."What do I do?"
As a friend, I expect to be consulted with problems...but as a single gal...who has struggled with her own relationship issues in the past....it makes me wonder....
"What great advice DO I give" in the current situation??
All I can come up with, is listen to that internal voice we all have in our heads...the one we usually ignore and follow with the heart anyhow.
We all have the answers to our own problems...buried somewhere deep within....right where we hide them...right where they stay until the point of no return when we finally reach deep into our souls...and pull out the answer that has been there all along...
Loyalty...there is alot to be said for it...
But sometimes it is a hard, lonely road to travel!
Thursday, August 04, 2005
*YAWN*
Sooooooooooo tired today.
Thats what happens when u make yourself a promise to get up extra early to start working out, and TODAY is the day designated as the start day of that promise. Throw in the fact that my friend and roommate was also in on this little deal, so when I think I might want to bail...she comes banging on my door at 5:30 am, yes folks...That's right 5:30 AM!!!!!
Let me tell you, 5:30 comes awfully early when u sit on the phone until almost 1 am with a friend the night before. It was worth every minute of it though. Nice to be able to talk to someone who has had similar experiences in life, same kind of ups and downs...makes u realize that none of us are truly alone in this world. No matter how bad things get, there is always someone with it worse. No matter what has happened, people all over have almost the same exact stories just different players in the game.
So my friend calls, and we chat, and chat and chat...never paying any attention to time...Doesn't
seem like I've been on the phone all night. Then again, the only clock I have in my room is my cell phone and I cant see the time when I'm busy YAK'N! I'm tired and suggest we hang up, but we just keep talkin...ha ha ha
By the time we actually hang up it's 12:30 am and we have been talking for 3 HOURS! WOW!
The long talk made me realize that it has been a long time since I have spent that amount of time on the phone with anyone(other than my kids...of course) and I miss having those kind of chats. So thank you my friend. It was nice to visit with you and I hope we can do it on a more regular basis.
All of that talking got me to thinking about HOW MUCH I am going to miss certain people in my Vegas life. We all keep saying "oh we'll still have the phone and the internet" but it just isn't the same. Driving home from the advance screening of "Red Eye" last night(good movie) I was overlooking the city and my mind started wandering to all of the good memories I have had here. All of the good people I have met, some of the people who have been the closest to me. And I realize, Im not just leaving a city or a way of life, Im leaving a place that has become my home over the last 6 years. A sadness crept over me, then I realized....
I have many other memories to create. Many other places that will become my "home". This is merely a pitstop in this thing called life, and I'm glad to be on that ride =)
Now, if I can only make sure my ride has workouts in it on a regular basis...I'd be happy!!!!
Tomorrow is a new day, and another day to discipline myself. I just know that these 5 am workouts will curb the 1 am phone calls...haha
Thats what happens when u make yourself a promise to get up extra early to start working out, and TODAY is the day designated as the start day of that promise. Throw in the fact that my friend and roommate was also in on this little deal, so when I think I might want to bail...she comes banging on my door at 5:30 am, yes folks...That's right 5:30 AM!!!!!
Let me tell you, 5:30 comes awfully early when u sit on the phone until almost 1 am with a friend the night before. It was worth every minute of it though. Nice to be able to talk to someone who has had similar experiences in life, same kind of ups and downs...makes u realize that none of us are truly alone in this world. No matter how bad things get, there is always someone with it worse. No matter what has happened, people all over have almost the same exact stories just different players in the game.
So my friend calls, and we chat, and chat and chat...never paying any attention to time...Doesn't
seem like I've been on the phone all night. Then again, the only clock I have in my room is my cell phone and I cant see the time when I'm busy YAK'N! I'm tired and suggest we hang up, but we just keep talkin...ha ha ha
By the time we actually hang up it's 12:30 am and we have been talking for 3 HOURS! WOW!
The long talk made me realize that it has been a long time since I have spent that amount of time on the phone with anyone(other than my kids...of course) and I miss having those kind of chats. So thank you my friend. It was nice to visit with you and I hope we can do it on a more regular basis.
All of that talking got me to thinking about HOW MUCH I am going to miss certain people in my Vegas life. We all keep saying "oh we'll still have the phone and the internet" but it just isn't the same. Driving home from the advance screening of "Red Eye" last night(good movie) I was overlooking the city and my mind started wandering to all of the good memories I have had here. All of the good people I have met, some of the people who have been the closest to me. And I realize, Im not just leaving a city or a way of life, Im leaving a place that has become my home over the last 6 years. A sadness crept over me, then I realized....
I have many other memories to create. Many other places that will become my "home". This is merely a pitstop in this thing called life, and I'm glad to be on that ride =)
Now, if I can only make sure my ride has workouts in it on a regular basis...I'd be happy!!!!
Tomorrow is a new day, and another day to discipline myself. I just know that these 5 am workouts will curb the 1 am phone calls...haha
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Thunder Storms...
The weather forecasts thunder storms and FLASH FLOODS all week. One thing I will miss when I move from Nevada are those sudden lightening and thunder storms that last most of the night and overtake the skies. When I was a child I remember being petrified of the thunder. Hiding under my blankets, shaking everytime the thunder rattled the house. Now, my oldest son and I sit outside with our cameras trying to catch the lightning on film. Want to waste several hours? Sit around intensely trying to catch lightning...haha. It's a fun way to hang out and bond with yr kids. Needless to say, though we sat out "watching" the lightning for hours last night, neither of us was able to capture that bolt we so desperately desired. We'll have plenty of opportunity though, being as thunder storms are predicted until next Weds.
Any bets that we can do it?
One can only imagine what the weather is like here. We went from 2 weeks of 124-126 degree weather straight into rain, thunder/lightening storms...100-109 with 90% humidity. Now I know for some this is normal...But for those of us living in the desert and used to DRY DRY DRY weather, this thick fog of humidity feels like death! I'm seriously rethinking my move to Florida one day. I always thought I could handle anything weatherwise, only to recently realize what a WUSS I am in certain conditions. I've always wanted to move around once my kids are all grown up. Moving from place to place, experiencing different lifestyles, different communities. Now Im thinking I might have to avoid certain climates. A Southern California Gurl born and raised, I'm more used to the weather being between 55-85. Not much fluctuation in between. I guess maybe more travel is in the forecast, to acclimate myself to other temperatures!!!
"If you do nothing unexpected, nothing unexpected happens."
Any bets that we can do it?
One can only imagine what the weather is like here. We went from 2 weeks of 124-126 degree weather straight into rain, thunder/lightening storms...100-109 with 90% humidity. Now I know for some this is normal...But for those of us living in the desert and used to DRY DRY DRY weather, this thick fog of humidity feels like death! I'm seriously rethinking my move to Florida one day. I always thought I could handle anything weatherwise, only to recently realize what a WUSS I am in certain conditions. I've always wanted to move around once my kids are all grown up. Moving from place to place, experiencing different lifestyles, different communities. Now Im thinking I might have to avoid certain climates. A Southern California Gurl born and raised, I'm more used to the weather being between 55-85. Not much fluctuation in between. I guess maybe more travel is in the forecast, to acclimate myself to other temperatures!!!
"If you do nothing unexpected, nothing unexpected happens."
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Getting Organized...
I'm Feeling alot better this week. Not that I was ever feeling "bad" just a lil out of sorts. I feel like I'm accomplishing things this week. Got some of the stuff we dont use packed away. This weekend I am going to make a serious effort to start tackling the garage. Kinda living under the theory of "If I haven't used it in the past year I have been in my place, I probably don't need it"
My garage looks like a bomb went off! I've also made a few changes in my life recently (still NOT smoking..YAY!) and I am trying to at least apply at one place a day for a second job. Nothing yet, then again, I just started doin it. My son got a job and still has several interviews this week, we have both decided to work 2 jobs until we move home. 60 days and counting........
My garage looks like a bomb went off! I've also made a few changes in my life recently (still NOT smoking..YAY!) and I am trying to at least apply at one place a day for a second job. Nothing yet, then again, I just started doin it. My son got a job and still has several interviews this week, we have both decided to work 2 jobs until we move home. 60 days and counting........
20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity...
THESE ARE FUNNY, IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY READ THIS! I'M GOING TO TRY ALL OFTHEM IN DUE TIME!
(#6 & 9 are my favorites!!)
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Frieswith That.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has GottenOver Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"
7. Finish all Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8 dont use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical SoundsAll Day.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot,Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are GoingTo Have To Let One Of You Go."
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity......
20. Send This To Someone To Make Them Smile. It's Called>Therapy...
(#6 & 9 are my favorites!!)
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Frieswith That.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has GottenOver Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"
7. Finish all Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8 dont use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical SoundsAll Day.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot,Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are GoingTo Have To Let One Of You Go."
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity......
20. Send This To Someone To Make Them Smile. It's Called>Therapy...
Monday, August 01, 2005
When the Cats away...
Or should I say "children" are away, mom will play. So strange as u get older what our defination of "playing" consists of.
My kids have been gone comming up on two months (1 month and 15 days..but who is counting?)
Everytime they call, they say in perplexed voices "MOM, WHY are u home?" I guess they
expect me to have some completly fabulous social life when they are gone. Funny thing is, a few years ago...I would have been doing exactly that. I am a very social person, and I like to have fun, meet people, play pool...have a few drinks...
I'm just so over that phase in my life. DON'T get me wrong, I haven't turned into an old fuddy duddy, I just dont have the desire to suit up and hit the local dance clubs and party my way through the streets of Las Vegas.
My weekend was wonderful...and I hardly ever left the house.
Friday night Jenn(my friend and new roomate that took over my youngests bedroom) and I finally got her room set up. We popped open a bottle of Captain Morgan's (We all have a lil CAPTN in us...think of that stance) and made drinks and then proceeded to act like little gurls decorating her room, giggling and having fun. My friend Jason(also Jenns bf) thought we were loosing our minds. ha ha ha
We all ended up snuggled up in my bed watching "Now and Then" a movie about 4 gurls growing up to adulthood and keeping their friendship in tact. Demi Morre, Melanie Griffith, Rita WIlson and Rosie O'Donnell were the kids as adults. Great movie, makes u think alot about the friends u havent talked to in a long time.
Saturday was spent much the same way. Though we DID start making drinks a tad earlier than Friday...ha ah ha
I have decided since my younger kids(Carina, 17 and Drew, 13) are gone for the summer and staying in California until the "big" move that I might as well start getting ahead in the packing by boxing up their stuff and putting it in the garage. Alot was accomplished, but going through their stuff when I miss them so much was hard. I can smell my daughters perfume...see all the pictures of her and her friends....my sons books and video games. Doing all of the mundane responsibilities made me realize how much I have changed and grown as a person, and a mother.
When I got married, and had my kids...I always assumed that I would always have help. I mean, I did things the right way...got married and then had kids. Stayed married for what seemed like forever(though I have learned over the years that "forever" doesnt always end up the way u once thought it would) and always thought my husband would be at my side, helping me along the way.
20 yrs later, things arent exactly as I'd hoped. But they are still good. Wierd as I packed everything that I thought "All of these things, my kids things....are things thier father has missed out on" he isnt aware of what perfume my daughter wears. He wouldnt know the names of any of the girls in her pictures. Or what music she listens to....or what makes her cry.
Or why my son loves a certain book so much, or why scary movies make it impossible for him to sleep. Or which shows on the Disney Channel he loves the most. I know all of thes things, and more. And I have relized that though people think I'm afraid to venture into relationships as often as I should....it's about alot more than that. I am the only thing that my kids have 100% for sure all of the time. And they all know it. 400 miles away from me and two minutes away from their dad, and it's MY phone ringing 100 x's a day. A bad day or shed tears fall on MY ears instead of someone else's. I've always been there for my kids(even my stepson whom I have raised since he was 1 1/2 and is now 21 and STILL lives with me) and I have made a decision to be there through their teenage years. I sit back and watch as other "singles" try to juggle their kids and new relationships and I always think "One thing or another, something has to suffer" and I think there within lies my reasoning for staying single through my kids teenage years.
They need someone 100%, and if it's not me....then who?
I have learned through this marriage/divorce thing...that u really dont know someone until u divorce them. And I have also realized that though we ALL make the same vows, as husbands/wives and parents...that not all of us regard them with the same convictions.
I have been doing this solo for so many years, I've almost forgotten that I ever did it with someone. The struggle is more real, but the rewards of single parenting are worth every minute of it!!! And looking back, I wouldnt have it any other way.
The kids and I are like the "FOUR Muskateers" and we all pile a single hand in the middle and say "All for one, and one for all" and we actually mean it!
My kids have been gone comming up on two months (1 month and 15 days..but who is counting?)
Everytime they call, they say in perplexed voices "MOM, WHY are u home?" I guess they
expect me to have some completly fabulous social life when they are gone. Funny thing is, a few years ago...I would have been doing exactly that. I am a very social person, and I like to have fun, meet people, play pool...have a few drinks...
I'm just so over that phase in my life. DON'T get me wrong, I haven't turned into an old fuddy duddy, I just dont have the desire to suit up and hit the local dance clubs and party my way through the streets of Las Vegas.
My weekend was wonderful...and I hardly ever left the house.
Friday night Jenn(my friend and new roomate that took over my youngests bedroom) and I finally got her room set up. We popped open a bottle of Captain Morgan's (We all have a lil CAPTN in us...think of that stance) and made drinks and then proceeded to act like little gurls decorating her room, giggling and having fun. My friend Jason(also Jenns bf) thought we were loosing our minds. ha ha ha
We all ended up snuggled up in my bed watching "Now and Then" a movie about 4 gurls growing up to adulthood and keeping their friendship in tact. Demi Morre, Melanie Griffith, Rita WIlson and Rosie O'Donnell were the kids as adults. Great movie, makes u think alot about the friends u havent talked to in a long time.
Saturday was spent much the same way. Though we DID start making drinks a tad earlier than Friday...ha ah ha
I have decided since my younger kids(Carina, 17 and Drew, 13) are gone for the summer and staying in California until the "big" move that I might as well start getting ahead in the packing by boxing up their stuff and putting it in the garage. Alot was accomplished, but going through their stuff when I miss them so much was hard. I can smell my daughters perfume...see all the pictures of her and her friends....my sons books and video games. Doing all of the mundane responsibilities made me realize how much I have changed and grown as a person, and a mother.
When I got married, and had my kids...I always assumed that I would always have help. I mean, I did things the right way...got married and then had kids. Stayed married for what seemed like forever(though I have learned over the years that "forever" doesnt always end up the way u once thought it would) and always thought my husband would be at my side, helping me along the way.
20 yrs later, things arent exactly as I'd hoped. But they are still good. Wierd as I packed everything that I thought "All of these things, my kids things....are things thier father has missed out on" he isnt aware of what perfume my daughter wears. He wouldnt know the names of any of the girls in her pictures. Or what music she listens to....or what makes her cry.
Or why my son loves a certain book so much, or why scary movies make it impossible for him to sleep. Or which shows on the Disney Channel he loves the most. I know all of thes things, and more. And I have relized that though people think I'm afraid to venture into relationships as often as I should....it's about alot more than that. I am the only thing that my kids have 100% for sure all of the time. And they all know it. 400 miles away from me and two minutes away from their dad, and it's MY phone ringing 100 x's a day. A bad day or shed tears fall on MY ears instead of someone else's. I've always been there for my kids(even my stepson whom I have raised since he was 1 1/2 and is now 21 and STILL lives with me) and I have made a decision to be there through their teenage years. I sit back and watch as other "singles" try to juggle their kids and new relationships and I always think "One thing or another, something has to suffer" and I think there within lies my reasoning for staying single through my kids teenage years.
They need someone 100%, and if it's not me....then who?
I have learned through this marriage/divorce thing...that u really dont know someone until u divorce them. And I have also realized that though we ALL make the same vows, as husbands/wives and parents...that not all of us regard them with the same convictions.
I have been doing this solo for so many years, I've almost forgotten that I ever did it with someone. The struggle is more real, but the rewards of single parenting are worth every minute of it!!! And looking back, I wouldnt have it any other way.
The kids and I are like the "FOUR Muskateers" and we all pile a single hand in the middle and say "All for one, and one for all" and we actually mean it!
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