with a certain change.
I know I am making good choices and following my heart. Moving on is a good thing, moving to a better place and life for myself and my kids is a positive change.
Going back home to a time where things are simpler...Life is less chaotic and surly not a 24 hour town is what I need/want in my life. A more low key lifestyle. Our quality of life, as a whole, will be better. Slower pace of life, time to stop and smell the ocean breeze...The flowers....
Things are looking very good in my future, but I can't help the sadness that comes over me today. My last day of work. Leaving people that have been good to you, good friends, people that you love....Is never easy.
So as I sit here, my desk piling up with gifts from co-workers, well wishers, people knowing that my life will be what I want it to be once I am gone...It is a bittersweet feeling.
I'm overcome with sadness, but also with a newfound excitement for things to come.
New job, new house, new times...
a slower paced lifestyle...A more wholesome environment in which I know my kids will certainly flourish.
I believe everything happens for a reason, and I know that some of these people....I will never see again. But there are many of them that will become lifelong friends...
So, I'm sad today. Sad and glad...If that makes any sense.
Another wrench thrown into my plans, I found out that the house I am supposed to be moving into on Dec 1st...Might have fallen though. You see, the gentleman who is currently renting it was looking at a house in Mandalay Bay, the ones that have the little canals behind it and slots for yr boat in yr backyard...well whatever he had going on, fell though, and he has now decided to stay in the house, MY HOUSE!
I've decided not to let this get me down...as there are plenty of houses on the beach for rent...and I'm sure my perfect house is out there somewhere. At least I was already renting a few rooms for the next two months, so it buys me some time to figure it out.
Mt stress level is through the roof...So I'm taking a few deep breaths...And just going with the flow. What is meant to be, will happen...It's all out of my hands at the moment.
I also wanted to say thank you, to everyone that has stopped by my lil spot on the net, and has given me words of encouragement.
THANK YOU!!!!
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Friday, September 23, 2005
almost a 100 Tidbits 'bout me.....
Well, I've been "tagged" several times by people who have this 100 list, and I wasn't quite sure what it was, but I now have realized it is 100 things about yrself...so I feel obligated to do my part on this "chain tag" game everyone seems to be playing...that and I don't feel like writing a regular post being as my last one was whisked away by the internet MONSTER that seems to crash my office computer anytime I have anything worth saying!!!
so here I go.
1. I view being a mother as the most important thing I will ever do.
2. my kids are always #1
3. I have given birth to 2 kids but raised 3, my stepson since he was two.
4. I love men
5. I love being single, and I'm very good at it!
6. The three S's rule my life, SEX, shopping and Sushi...oh yeah, and SHOES
7. I have over 70 prs of Shoes
10. I've been in love w/ four men in my life Rick, Milo and Mike and Eric(though I didn't know it at the time)
11. When I consider someone a friend, I'll always be there for them
12. I'm never moody
13. I've always had a wild streak
16. I'm gun shy where relationships are concerned.
17. My parents have been married for 40 yrs
18. I was married for 12
19. I love tattoo' and piercings
20. Bad boyz are sexy but I always date nice guys.
21. Though I love tats and piercings, the guys I have dated have never had any
22. Angelina Jolie has been my girl crush years before she was popular
23. Johnny Depp has been my favorite since I was 16
25. I've been to Burning Man
26.I'm a concert Whore.
27. I've seen over 80 big bands, some of them more than once
28. I love camping
29. I've always wanted a Harley
30. My favorite color is PURPLE
32. I was on the Varsity swimteam when I was a Freshman
33. I made out with a cop last night
34. I don't like "Do as I say, not as I do" people
35. I'm very close to my brother
36. My daughter is one of my best friends
37. Her name is Carina and she looks like Eva Mendez...perfect strangers on the street stop her and tell her that.
38. I love everything about the ocean, sand between the toes, the smell
39. I've known alot of the same people since High School
40. I played in a Water Polo match with my jaws wired shut.
41. this is alot harder than I thought it would be
42. I only wear silver, no gold
43. My nipples are pierced
44. I have two tattoo's
45. I love loving someone
46. Aqua De Gio is one of the best smells in the world
47. I've talked to some of my net friends for over 10 yrs.
48. I consider Curt to be one of my best friends, though we have only met in person once.
49. I've had my heart broken
50. I've broken someones heart
51. I get better with age
52. I think we all do
53. People always think I'm 25
54. I'm really 37
55. If I had the money(and gas wasn't going up to $5) I'd drive the orig. Hummer
58. I'm not high maintenance at ALL
59. I can get ready to go out faster than most men
60. I need to get back into a workout routine.
61. I'm hoping living on the beach will entice me to jog on the sand
62. I miss my family.
63. Sometimes I'm too trusting
64. But I think thats the way it is supposed to be, people shouldnt take advantage of that.
65. I'm a Pisces, so is my daughter
67. I've made out with girls, but never gone beyond that.
68. I go to Ozzfest every year
69. I like to wear HIGH HIGH heels sometimes
70. I always go commando
73. Girls always hit on me.
74. I always date younger, I don't know why
75. I'm a daddy's girl
76. I love working with people
77. I always smile =)
78. I have alot of friends, but close ones I can count on one hand
79. my godparents were gay, one of them died of AIDS
80. Sometimes my love for my kids is overwhelming
81. My biggest fear is something happening to them
82. I relish watching them grow into adults they are 21, 17 & 14
83. I'm a great cook
84. I like to sew and do crafts
85. My nickname used to be "the 3 month and DUMP gurl" because I never dated anyone longer than that.
86. It takes ALOT for me to enter into a relationship
87. Im a night owl and an insomniac
89. I love Mexican food
90. I used to take Swing Dance lessons, now I'm going to try Salsa
91. I'm very loyal
92. I love long phone conversations that last all night
93. I love roller coasters!!!!
94. I'm a computer geek.
95. My brother almost died 2 yrs ago, and I'm not sure I've ever gotten over it.
96. Sometimes I like it rough
97. I like hiking and the outdoors
98. I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with my grandmother, she is 87
ok, those are ALOT of things alot of people didn't know about me....so if u read this, consider yrself TAGGED!
so here I go.
1. I view being a mother as the most important thing I will ever do.
2. my kids are always #1
3. I have given birth to 2 kids but raised 3, my stepson since he was two.
4. I love men
5. I love being single, and I'm very good at it!
6. The three S's rule my life, SEX, shopping and Sushi...oh yeah, and SHOES
7. I have over 70 prs of Shoes
10. I've been in love w/ four men in my life Rick, Milo and Mike and Eric(though I didn't know it at the time)
11. When I consider someone a friend, I'll always be there for them
12. I'm never moody
13. I've always had a wild streak
16. I'm gun shy where relationships are concerned.
17. My parents have been married for 40 yrs
18. I was married for 12
19. I love tattoo' and piercings
20. Bad boyz are sexy but I always date nice guys.
21. Though I love tats and piercings, the guys I have dated have never had any
22. Angelina Jolie has been my girl crush years before she was popular
23. Johnny Depp has been my favorite since I was 16
25. I've been to Burning Man
26.I'm a concert Whore.
27. I've seen over 80 big bands, some of them more than once
28. I love camping
29. I've always wanted a Harley
30. My favorite color is PURPLE
32. I was on the Varsity swimteam when I was a Freshman
33. I made out with a cop last night
34. I don't like "Do as I say, not as I do" people
35. I'm very close to my brother
36. My daughter is one of my best friends
37. Her name is Carina and she looks like Eva Mendez...perfect strangers on the street stop her and tell her that.
38. I love everything about the ocean, sand between the toes, the smell
39. I've known alot of the same people since High School
40. I played in a Water Polo match with my jaws wired shut.
41. this is alot harder than I thought it would be
42. I only wear silver, no gold
43. My nipples are pierced
44. I have two tattoo's
45. I love loving someone
46. Aqua De Gio is one of the best smells in the world
47. I've talked to some of my net friends for over 10 yrs.
48. I consider Curt to be one of my best friends, though we have only met in person once.
49. I've had my heart broken
50. I've broken someones heart
51. I get better with age
52. I think we all do
53. People always think I'm 25
54. I'm really 37
55. If I had the money(and gas wasn't going up to $5) I'd drive the orig. Hummer
58. I'm not high maintenance at ALL
59. I can get ready to go out faster than most men
60. I need to get back into a workout routine.
61. I'm hoping living on the beach will entice me to jog on the sand
62. I miss my family.
63. Sometimes I'm too trusting
64. But I think thats the way it is supposed to be, people shouldnt take advantage of that.
65. I'm a Pisces, so is my daughter
67. I've made out with girls, but never gone beyond that.
68. I go to Ozzfest every year
69. I like to wear HIGH HIGH heels sometimes
70. I always go commando
73. Girls always hit on me.
74. I always date younger, I don't know why
75. I'm a daddy's girl
76. I love working with people
77. I always smile =)
78. I have alot of friends, but close ones I can count on one hand
79. my godparents were gay, one of them died of AIDS
80. Sometimes my love for my kids is overwhelming
81. My biggest fear is something happening to them
82. I relish watching them grow into adults they are 21, 17 & 14
83. I'm a great cook
84. I like to sew and do crafts
85. My nickname used to be "the 3 month and DUMP gurl" because I never dated anyone longer than that.
86. It takes ALOT for me to enter into a relationship
87. Im a night owl and an insomniac
89. I love Mexican food
90. I used to take Swing Dance lessons, now I'm going to try Salsa
91. I'm very loyal
92. I love long phone conversations that last all night
93. I love roller coasters!!!!
94. I'm a computer geek.
95. My brother almost died 2 yrs ago, and I'm not sure I've ever gotten over it.
96. Sometimes I like it rough
97. I like hiking and the outdoors
98. I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with my grandmother, she is 87
ok, those are ALOT of things alot of people didn't know about me....so if u read this, consider yrself TAGGED!
Sometimes Computer SUCK!
I spent an hour writing what I thought was a good blog on going out last night only for my computer to crash before it saved. Now Im tired, living on 2 hours sleep...and maybe a lil groggy from a few drinks last night...
*sigh*
I suppose I will write again later, as Im certainly not in the mood any more..haha
sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
*sigh*
I suppose I will write again later, as Im certainly not in the mood any more..haha
sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Closure....
Haven't had much time to post lately...and I was sure everyone was tired of hearing about the packing..hahaThings are progressing along very nicely. Found a place to stay for a month or two until my house it ready. Got a second job a few nights a week working at
TheGreek
waitressing, my brothers fiance works there, and not only can she rake in a few hundred on a slow night, but it is FUNNNN. Greek dancers, belly dancers...it'll be a kewl way to get me through Xmas =) Plus it is RIGHT on the water!!!!
It's been a long few days. Time always seems to FLY until u want to get the hell out of somewhere, then it goes at a snails pace.There has also been some things going on. My x husband seems to have found himself...and while skipping along that path, my childrens father seems to have re-emerged. You see, we always had a pretty good relationship. He was a great father to our children. He coached all of their sports teams. My walls boast his coaching ability, team pictures of all my kids sports and daddy is right there smiling with the team. Somewhere in there, problems started. And by the time our divorce was final, the man I knew was nowhere to be found. Not even the father. He started drinking. Going out a lot. Flaking on our kids...and being mean and nasty when they were with him. I know that he was hurt. I also know it was easier to lash out than to deal with what was going on. But that still didn't make it ok for the kids. Knowing there was no way to hurt me, he started trying to do that through the kids. One of my main reasons for moving to another state was that I didn't want my kids to endure a lifetime(let alone a childhood) full of all of these bad memories. So we moved. My kids all agree that this, in hindsight...was possibly the best choice that I have ever made for them. Even though they still endured those bad moments with their father, they were few and far between. Going home for the holidays was always bittersweet because we never knew what to expect. One thing I knew for sure...the saying "You never truly know someone until u divorce them" has always rung true in my ears.
Fast forward 5 years...and my decision to move back home. None of my kids had spoken to their father for over a year. Last summer, when my youngest finally had the courage to stand up to him(Rick was trying to convince Drew to move in with him) and tell him "dad, I don't want to live with you...I want to stay with mom" was the last time ANY of the three of them had spoken to him. Birthdays have come and gone...Christmas and Thanxgiving. We always go home for the holidays and Rick never appeared on the doorstep, though he knew we were there.
The week we made the decision to come home, out of the blue Rick starts calling. Seems he has been in AA, and getting his life in order. It's been a bumpy ride. The kids have a lot of pent up anger and frustrations regarding their dad. Especially my daughter. I have explained to that in order to give someone a chance, u must really give them a chance. Open your heart, open yr mind...and realize that all of this didn't happen over night, and someone can't change overnight.The last few months have been an emotional ride. But I am finally able to have a decent relationship with my X. And my kids are finally happy as their father is making a true effort to be the father they so desperately need.
On another front...my brother seems to have had an epiphany as well. You see, he has a horrible temper. He seems to have some sort of resentment with the world, but mostly our father. I love my brother, we have always been close. But being one of the closest people to a temperamental person isn't always the best thing. I tend to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and the brunt of his temper seems to fall on either my shoulders, or Autumns(his fiance). Autumn had enough and said that she wouldn't be engaged let alone married to a man that thought OUTBURSTS were a way to problem solve. She had been to a self help seminar a few years ago and urged him to go to The Forum
So in the last few days...Amongst the hustle and bustle of moving, I have had the two men that I have loved the most in my life... Who are also the two men who have hurt me the most in my life ask me for forgiveness, and apologize for some of their actions....And making changes in their lives to assure that mistakes aren't repeated. My x even went as far as to go to my parents house(they used to love this man to death) and make amends. Enough so that my mom broke down in tears. She had often wondered what had happened to the son-in-law that she had loved so much.
Emotional for sure. The timing on this...Though great being as I will be living 5 minutes from either of them...Is also at a very stressful time in my life...Moving in 10 days. Needless to say, I am worn out. I told my brother that I felt like an emotional sandwich between the two of them...They the bread, me the melting cheese in the middle...hahaha.
He got a good chuckle out of that.
So things change....life goes on. People come full circle. You get some closure on some issues...and new doors for new possibilities open up. I feel like a very lucky woman at the present moment...well actually always. But today, the the skies seem a little bluer, the sun a little brighter...Have a great day everyone, and don't forget....it's better late than never. And just when u have given up on someone, they can turn around at a moments notice and surprise you =)
For soem reason my "Links" arent working so here they are:
The Greek http://www.greekventuraharbor.com/
And The Forum http://www.landmarkeducation.com
TheGreek
waitressing, my brothers fiance works there, and not only can she rake in a few hundred on a slow night, but it is FUNNNN. Greek dancers, belly dancers...it'll be a kewl way to get me through Xmas =) Plus it is RIGHT on the water!!!!
It's been a long few days. Time always seems to FLY until u want to get the hell out of somewhere, then it goes at a snails pace.There has also been some things going on. My x husband seems to have found himself...and while skipping along that path, my childrens father seems to have re-emerged. You see, we always had a pretty good relationship. He was a great father to our children. He coached all of their sports teams. My walls boast his coaching ability, team pictures of all my kids sports and daddy is right there smiling with the team. Somewhere in there, problems started. And by the time our divorce was final, the man I knew was nowhere to be found. Not even the father. He started drinking. Going out a lot. Flaking on our kids...and being mean and nasty when they were with him. I know that he was hurt. I also know it was easier to lash out than to deal with what was going on. But that still didn't make it ok for the kids. Knowing there was no way to hurt me, he started trying to do that through the kids. One of my main reasons for moving to another state was that I didn't want my kids to endure a lifetime(let alone a childhood) full of all of these bad memories. So we moved. My kids all agree that this, in hindsight...was possibly the best choice that I have ever made for them. Even though they still endured those bad moments with their father, they were few and far between. Going home for the holidays was always bittersweet because we never knew what to expect. One thing I knew for sure...the saying "You never truly know someone until u divorce them" has always rung true in my ears.
Fast forward 5 years...and my decision to move back home. None of my kids had spoken to their father for over a year. Last summer, when my youngest finally had the courage to stand up to him(Rick was trying to convince Drew to move in with him) and tell him "dad, I don't want to live with you...I want to stay with mom" was the last time ANY of the three of them had spoken to him. Birthdays have come and gone...Christmas and Thanxgiving. We always go home for the holidays and Rick never appeared on the doorstep, though he knew we were there.
The week we made the decision to come home, out of the blue Rick starts calling. Seems he has been in AA, and getting his life in order. It's been a bumpy ride. The kids have a lot of pent up anger and frustrations regarding their dad. Especially my daughter. I have explained to that in order to give someone a chance, u must really give them a chance. Open your heart, open yr mind...and realize that all of this didn't happen over night, and someone can't change overnight.The last few months have been an emotional ride. But I am finally able to have a decent relationship with my X. And my kids are finally happy as their father is making a true effort to be the father they so desperately need.
On another front...my brother seems to have had an epiphany as well. You see, he has a horrible temper. He seems to have some sort of resentment with the world, but mostly our father. I love my brother, we have always been close. But being one of the closest people to a temperamental person isn't always the best thing. I tend to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and the brunt of his temper seems to fall on either my shoulders, or Autumns(his fiance). Autumn had enough and said that she wouldn't be engaged let alone married to a man that thought OUTBURSTS were a way to problem solve. She had been to a self help seminar a few years ago and urged him to go to The Forum
So in the last few days...Amongst the hustle and bustle of moving, I have had the two men that I have loved the most in my life... Who are also the two men who have hurt me the most in my life ask me for forgiveness, and apologize for some of their actions....And making changes in their lives to assure that mistakes aren't repeated. My x even went as far as to go to my parents house(they used to love this man to death) and make amends. Enough so that my mom broke down in tears. She had often wondered what had happened to the son-in-law that she had loved so much.
Emotional for sure. The timing on this...Though great being as I will be living 5 minutes from either of them...Is also at a very stressful time in my life...Moving in 10 days. Needless to say, I am worn out. I told my brother that I felt like an emotional sandwich between the two of them...They the bread, me the melting cheese in the middle...hahaha.
He got a good chuckle out of that.
So things change....life goes on. People come full circle. You get some closure on some issues...and new doors for new possibilities open up. I feel like a very lucky woman at the present moment...well actually always. But today, the the skies seem a little bluer, the sun a little brighter...Have a great day everyone, and don't forget....it's better late than never. And just when u have given up on someone, they can turn around at a moments notice and surprise you =)
For soem reason my "Links" arent working so here they are:
The Greek http://www.greekventuraharbor.com/
And The Forum http://www.landmarkeducation.com
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
So much...so little...
So much to say, so little to say. So much going on, and then nothing going on at all.
I'm almost packed. 1/2 way through the garage. You'd think I'd just TOSS everything that has been buried in there for the last year....but I can't. You see, some of the boxes just got shoved into the garage last year when I moved and have been long forgotten. Going through them is like a treat. I'm finding things I thought I had lost forever. Some clothes, some shoes...some artifacts from Burning Man. My Pink "baby" given to me by a fellow "Burner". A Pink Statue that I was supposed to take with me on some of life's adventures and then document and send photos to the person who had given her to me. I turned her over and there on the bottom is the email address to which I was supposed to correspond. I feel like a failure. Do I email these people and let them know that this pink baby layed in a box in my garage for a year or two??
Or do I take this pink baby on my new adventure home and document the journey? hahaha
Maybe I have too much time on my hands.
Everything is going according to plan. I aced the job interview and start in my new position Oct. 4th, with a sizable raise and numerous perks. YAY! I also landed the beach house that I truely wanted. About 8 houses from the water...2 story, hard wood floors. 3 bdrm + a loft. A HUGE deck right off of the Master bedroom, 2 sliding doors lead outside to fresh air and a glimpse of the ocean...
The only problem I forsee is if California actually does fall into the ocean.
Because I will be one of the first to go! But I figure...what a way to go out!
Things couldn't be any better for me than they are at the current moment.
Though one does have regrets. Leaving people that u love, a job u have been in for 5 yrs...
old memories....
Things said, things ended....people left behind on this journey. Some ties broken, some things
done that can't be mended.
There is always a loss when u move on, but new doors open and new adventures begin.
I for one am ready for the new leg of this journey...
And it's commin up on me faster than I could have ever imagined =)
I'm almost packed. 1/2 way through the garage. You'd think I'd just TOSS everything that has been buried in there for the last year....but I can't. You see, some of the boxes just got shoved into the garage last year when I moved and have been long forgotten. Going through them is like a treat. I'm finding things I thought I had lost forever. Some clothes, some shoes...some artifacts from Burning Man. My Pink "baby" given to me by a fellow "Burner". A Pink Statue that I was supposed to take with me on some of life's adventures and then document and send photos to the person who had given her to me. I turned her over and there on the bottom is the email address to which I was supposed to correspond. I feel like a failure. Do I email these people and let them know that this pink baby layed in a box in my garage for a year or two??
Or do I take this pink baby on my new adventure home and document the journey? hahaha
Maybe I have too much time on my hands.
Everything is going according to plan. I aced the job interview and start in my new position Oct. 4th, with a sizable raise and numerous perks. YAY! I also landed the beach house that I truely wanted. About 8 houses from the water...2 story, hard wood floors. 3 bdrm + a loft. A HUGE deck right off of the Master bedroom, 2 sliding doors lead outside to fresh air and a glimpse of the ocean...
The only problem I forsee is if California actually does fall into the ocean.
Because I will be one of the first to go! But I figure...what a way to go out!
Things couldn't be any better for me than they are at the current moment.
Though one does have regrets. Leaving people that u love, a job u have been in for 5 yrs...
old memories....
Things said, things ended....people left behind on this journey. Some ties broken, some things
done that can't be mended.
There is always a loss when u move on, but new doors open and new adventures begin.
I for one am ready for the new leg of this journey...
And it's commin up on me faster than I could have ever imagined =)
Sunday, September 11, 2005
I've been trying....
To avoid posting about the tragedy in New Orleans. Not for any particular reason, other than sadness. And probably because everyone and their brother is posting about it. But I just read a post that angered me. A few actually. It always astounds me that people who #1 aren't there and #2 haven't ever been in a life or death situation
seem to always have a bad opinion about these poor suffering people.
I think the ENTIRE thing could have been alot less traumatic if the "powers that be" had done their job.
Now Im not here to "bash" anyone. But I am a little upset by the entire thing.
I mean, it's New Orleans. A low income state. Alot of poverty...alot of poor people...
but since when does the word "poor" mean that no one cares?
I'm still struggling within my head over this. I mean....we supposedly live in the best country in the world. And if that is the case...I am wondering HOW this happened?
We knew the hurricane was comming...
We knew it had the possibility to wipe out the state...
We KNEW that there were 100,000 people who lived in poverty and had no way out...
100,000 people with no way out. 100,000 people with no way out. 100,000 people with no way out. 100,000 people with NO WAY OUT!
If "we" knew, than I'm assuming the government knew, the state knew...everyone knew.
It was all over the news. People were evacuated...so then WHY WERE PEOPLE LEFT?
I've read things with people saying "Well, they all knew it was comming...if they stayed, then
O'WELL they deserved it"
How can people be so callous?
If u have no car, no money...kids and grandparents...what would u do?
I personally watched the news and saw 100's of people lining the streets waiting for someone to come get them, waiting to be helped. WAITING TO BE EVACUATED. No one came...
So there they sat.
I often wonder what some of these "higher up, uppity" people would have done if they at one point found themselves in a similar situation with no means to get out... would they blame themselves and say..."Well, we knew it was comming...we should have done something about it"
or would they finally have some sympathy for what these people have endured?
I'm broken up about the whole thing. Everyone points one finger, than another...Black, white...
poor, not poor. When to me...It's about NONE of those things...its about PEOPLE. People with families, people with children...people who have struggled their whole lives to make it on this planet, only to be let down in the final moments of tragedy by our government....It makes me wanna SCREAM!
Now comes the real test. "The Powers That Be" are going to "look into who was at fault"?????
Why should the same people who ARE at fault, be the one who get to "look into who is at fault"?? Does anyone honestly think that we are going to get any answers that way?
I'm sure at the moment, the THOUSANDS of people who have lost their loved ones...aren't caring "who is at fault" they are wishing someone was doing their job(Instead of vacationing) when tragedy struck. Wishing that someone had come to rescue them before the hurricane struck...Wishing that someone had at least come in the moments after the hurricane....in the first 24 hours. In the fist 48 hours....
I'm sorry, all of this "comming together" is a little to little a little to late.
Granted, it's what is needed now...but just think of how many lives it would have saved if it had happened when it SHOULD have happened.
We are ALL citizens of the U.S. and if this can happen in New Orleans...it can happen anywhere.
If the government can let 100,00o people sit and rot in their own shit...what makes us think that WE as a country are safe if tragedy should strike in OUR towns??
It's given me a whole new perspective on life. And on those that have something ANYTHING negative to say about those people who have endured what most of us would consider to be our worst nightmare.
So people...be kind. Be THANKFUL that u still have a home. Thankful that u can tuck yr kids into their safe little beds in their safe little neighborhoods. Be thankful that so far the "powers that be" haven't let US down...because u just never know what will happen...
And also remember that saying...until u have walked a mile in someone's shoes...
My prayers and thoughts go out to ALL who have lost something in this tragedy. Which in reality is all of us.
seem to always have a bad opinion about these poor suffering people.
I think the ENTIRE thing could have been alot less traumatic if the "powers that be" had done their job.
Now Im not here to "bash" anyone. But I am a little upset by the entire thing.
I mean, it's New Orleans. A low income state. Alot of poverty...alot of poor people...
but since when does the word "poor" mean that no one cares?
I'm still struggling within my head over this. I mean....we supposedly live in the best country in the world. And if that is the case...I am wondering HOW this happened?
We knew the hurricane was comming...
We knew it had the possibility to wipe out the state...
We KNEW that there were 100,000 people who lived in poverty and had no way out...
100,000 people with no way out. 100,000 people with no way out. 100,000 people with no way out. 100,000 people with NO WAY OUT!
If "we" knew, than I'm assuming the government knew, the state knew...everyone knew.
It was all over the news. People were evacuated...so then WHY WERE PEOPLE LEFT?
I've read things with people saying "Well, they all knew it was comming...if they stayed, then
O'WELL they deserved it"
How can people be so callous?
If u have no car, no money...kids and grandparents...what would u do?
I personally watched the news and saw 100's of people lining the streets waiting for someone to come get them, waiting to be helped. WAITING TO BE EVACUATED. No one came...
So there they sat.
I often wonder what some of these "higher up, uppity" people would have done if they at one point found themselves in a similar situation with no means to get out... would they blame themselves and say..."Well, we knew it was comming...we should have done something about it"
or would they finally have some sympathy for what these people have endured?
I'm broken up about the whole thing. Everyone points one finger, than another...Black, white...
poor, not poor. When to me...It's about NONE of those things...its about PEOPLE. People with families, people with children...people who have struggled their whole lives to make it on this planet, only to be let down in the final moments of tragedy by our government....It makes me wanna SCREAM!
Now comes the real test. "The Powers That Be" are going to "look into who was at fault"?????
Why should the same people who ARE at fault, be the one who get to "look into who is at fault"?? Does anyone honestly think that we are going to get any answers that way?
I'm sure at the moment, the THOUSANDS of people who have lost their loved ones...aren't caring "who is at fault" they are wishing someone was doing their job(Instead of vacationing) when tragedy struck. Wishing that someone had come to rescue them before the hurricane struck...Wishing that someone had at least come in the moments after the hurricane....in the first 24 hours. In the fist 48 hours....
I'm sorry, all of this "comming together" is a little to little a little to late.
Granted, it's what is needed now...but just think of how many lives it would have saved if it had happened when it SHOULD have happened.
We are ALL citizens of the U.S. and if this can happen in New Orleans...it can happen anywhere.
If the government can let 100,00o people sit and rot in their own shit...what makes us think that WE as a country are safe if tragedy should strike in OUR towns??
It's given me a whole new perspective on life. And on those that have something ANYTHING negative to say about those people who have endured what most of us would consider to be our worst nightmare.
So people...be kind. Be THANKFUL that u still have a home. Thankful that u can tuck yr kids into their safe little beds in their safe little neighborhoods. Be thankful that so far the "powers that be" haven't let US down...because u just never know what will happen...
And also remember that saying...until u have walked a mile in someone's shoes...
My prayers and thoughts go out to ALL who have lost something in this tragedy. Which in reality is all of us.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Ever Have a Dream...
that feels so real, that when u wake up u have a hard time determining if it was a dream or real?? Thats the kind of dream I had last night. The dream that goes ALL night...even when u wake up mid-dream and fall back asleep...it's still there...
a long dream, full of sexual tension and frustration. It was about my friend Dave...which is really wierd being as I haven't talked to him much lately...really hadn't thought I had been thinking about him. He is MARRIED and having alot of marital problems. There has always been something there between us. Underlying. Those small signals and feeling that you push below the surface. The kind that resurface in dreams.
I have noticed that I personally tend to dream about things I worry about.
Dreams are sometimes so far fetched. You are in places u would never be, doing things u would never do...with people u would never do them with. A person, really isn't a person, because though u KNOW in yr dream it is one person...it can look like someone completly different.
Needless to say, I had a restless night of sleep.
I got alot accomplished this weekend. Most everything is packed and I'm living an existance of BOXES. God I hate moving. I don't "hate" many things...moving is one of them. Going without sex is another. The moving, at this point...I have no control over. The sex thing...is another story. I took care of that this weekend. And took care of it GOOOD I might add.
SEX
You know the kind of sex that u feel for days. The kind, that when yr mind wanders back to that moment... u sigh. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Relief. Sexual Frustrations are gone. I feel like a new woman. Funny how as little as one month with no sex can make ya feel that way. I now feel like I can survive my last few weeks in town. I'm thinking I might have to have repeat visits from my new friend. He is so beautiful, and a nice guy to top it all off. Figures that you meet that type of person on yr way out of town. O'well...better late than never. Besides, I still have a few weeks to make this work in my favor ;)
a long dream, full of sexual tension and frustration. It was about my friend Dave...which is really wierd being as I haven't talked to him much lately...really hadn't thought I had been thinking about him. He is MARRIED and having alot of marital problems. There has always been something there between us. Underlying. Those small signals and feeling that you push below the surface. The kind that resurface in dreams.
I have noticed that I personally tend to dream about things I worry about.
Dreams are sometimes so far fetched. You are in places u would never be, doing things u would never do...with people u would never do them with. A person, really isn't a person, because though u KNOW in yr dream it is one person...it can look like someone completly different.
Needless to say, I had a restless night of sleep.
I got alot accomplished this weekend. Most everything is packed and I'm living an existance of BOXES. God I hate moving. I don't "hate" many things...moving is one of them. Going without sex is another. The moving, at this point...I have no control over. The sex thing...is another story. I took care of that this weekend. And took care of it GOOOD I might add.
SEX
You know the kind of sex that u feel for days. The kind, that when yr mind wanders back to that moment... u sigh. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Relief. Sexual Frustrations are gone. I feel like a new woman. Funny how as little as one month with no sex can make ya feel that way. I now feel like I can survive my last few weeks in town. I'm thinking I might have to have repeat visits from my new friend. He is so beautiful, and a nice guy to top it all off. Figures that you meet that type of person on yr way out of town. O'well...better late than never. Besides, I still have a few weeks to make this work in my favor ;)
Friday, September 02, 2005
And JOG I did...
This morning. I decided that I had an epiphany yesterday. Not just because of the view, but as something to do...
I woke up at 6:30 am and wanted to reset my alarm as usual so that I could sleep another 30 minutes to an hour. But I didn't. I actually got up, threw on the sweats and headed out the door to the gym. I've been promising myself to do this, for myself, for the last two months. In the midst of everything going on in my life(or lack of goins on) I have decided that taking the last 30 days before my move to GET moving would be a good idea. Good for the heart, good for the health, good for the soul...just good in general.
While I was jogging my mind started wandering to a conversation I had with my son last night. Seems that he has been having a rough time at his new school.
Being 14 isn't all it's cracked up to be. Kids can be so mean.
My son is a kind gentle soul, who loves people. He is quite a character and can make almost anyone laugh with his Jim Carey'ish nature. I've never quite understood why it always seems SO difficult for him to make friends. Neither of my other kids are like that, my daughter is the epitome of the word "popular".
So he has been telling me everyday how wonderful school has been, making sure that I don't worry about him, so I wouldn't be sad or feel bad that there is 400 miles between us. That is the kind of kid he is.
I try to tell him all of the things we as adults know. 13 is a bad age, and sometimes the only way a kid can feel good about themselves it to make someone else feel bad. I come up with every excuse for mankind...every excuse for punk kids...when in reality.....
I don't get it either.
Why do people feel the need to just be mean?
What happened to the old saying "If u don't' have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" ?
Many times in life I simply BITE my tongue because that phrase rings in my head. Not everyone wants my opinion all of the time. Period. Being "mean" simply isn't an option for most of us...so why is it for a few?
Name calling, bullying, shit talking....and being just plain RUDE seems to be the way alot of folk function in this day and age, and I just do not understand it.
What do certain people gain from making others feel badly?
I for one know that every once in awhile mean things are said out of anger...or a place of pain within ourselves. None of us are "perfect" we all have moments where the "mean" in us rears it's ugly head. But when it is all over, the compassionate feel bad, and learn to say "sorry".
Why is it that some people feel that they can treat anyone any way that they damn well please?
In modern times, I think most of the population could take a lesson or two from our parents of the past...and the things they taught us.
A certain type of respect that we have for all people (not just the ones u like).
Commandments of LIFE that make the world a much happier place to live.
"think before u speak"
"actions come with consequences"
"do unto others as u would have them do unto u"
"if u don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"
" a little kindness goes a long way"
Common things we have all been taught at one time or another...
Things that are somehow being slowly swept under the rug...
It's a sad world when a kid has a hard time getting an education because he doesn't want to go to school!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER!
I woke up at 6:30 am and wanted to reset my alarm as usual so that I could sleep another 30 minutes to an hour. But I didn't. I actually got up, threw on the sweats and headed out the door to the gym. I've been promising myself to do this, for myself, for the last two months. In the midst of everything going on in my life(or lack of goins on) I have decided that taking the last 30 days before my move to GET moving would be a good idea. Good for the heart, good for the health, good for the soul...just good in general.
While I was jogging my mind started wandering to a conversation I had with my son last night. Seems that he has been having a rough time at his new school.
Being 14 isn't all it's cracked up to be. Kids can be so mean.
My son is a kind gentle soul, who loves people. He is quite a character and can make almost anyone laugh with his Jim Carey'ish nature. I've never quite understood why it always seems SO difficult for him to make friends. Neither of my other kids are like that, my daughter is the epitome of the word "popular".
So he has been telling me everyday how wonderful school has been, making sure that I don't worry about him, so I wouldn't be sad or feel bad that there is 400 miles between us. That is the kind of kid he is.
I try to tell him all of the things we as adults know. 13 is a bad age, and sometimes the only way a kid can feel good about themselves it to make someone else feel bad. I come up with every excuse for mankind...every excuse for punk kids...when in reality.....
I don't get it either.
Why do people feel the need to just be mean?
What happened to the old saying "If u don't' have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" ?
Many times in life I simply BITE my tongue because that phrase rings in my head. Not everyone wants my opinion all of the time. Period. Being "mean" simply isn't an option for most of us...so why is it for a few?
Name calling, bullying, shit talking....and being just plain RUDE seems to be the way alot of folk function in this day and age, and I just do not understand it.
What do certain people gain from making others feel badly?
I for one know that every once in awhile mean things are said out of anger...or a place of pain within ourselves. None of us are "perfect" we all have moments where the "mean" in us rears it's ugly head. But when it is all over, the compassionate feel bad, and learn to say "sorry".
Why is it that some people feel that they can treat anyone any way that they damn well please?
In modern times, I think most of the population could take a lesson or two from our parents of the past...and the things they taught us.
A certain type of respect that we have for all people (not just the ones u like).
Commandments of LIFE that make the world a much happier place to live.
"think before u speak"
"actions come with consequences"
"do unto others as u would have them do unto u"
"if u don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"
" a little kindness goes a long way"
Common things we have all been taught at one time or another...
Things that are somehow being slowly swept under the rug...
It's a sad world when a kid has a hard time getting an education because he doesn't want to go to school!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER!
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Jogging...
As I groggily drive myself to work this morning, I notice this amazing creature jogging alongside the road.
The weather is hot and muggy, so he is shirtless and has the most amazing body. Tan rippled muscles. Several tattoos along his chest and arms and his body is glistening with sweat.
Suddenly everything is in s l o w motion... I see him slowly glide past me like a god and it feels like a movie.
Like "Fasttimes At Ridgemont High" when Phoebe Cates comes out of the pool. I watch him run past and check out the backside to see if it is as delicious as the front, and yes...it is.
A big smile appears on my face, and has been there ever since.
I get to work a little early, and my boss calls to tell me she is picking up Starbucks for us on her way in...
"What do you want.....?"
The day is looking good so far...though in the back of my mind I wonder if obsessing over the jogger from this morning should be telling me something?
Maybe it's time to start jogging.
Pisces
Feb 19 - March 20
Things are likely to be much better than expected, and despite having to do your duty, you'll also be able to have a great deal of fun.
The weather is hot and muggy, so he is shirtless and has the most amazing body. Tan rippled muscles. Several tattoos along his chest and arms and his body is glistening with sweat.
Suddenly everything is in s l o w motion... I see him slowly glide past me like a god and it feels like a movie.
Like "Fasttimes At Ridgemont High" when Phoebe Cates comes out of the pool. I watch him run past and check out the backside to see if it is as delicious as the front, and yes...it is.
A big smile appears on my face, and has been there ever since.
I get to work a little early, and my boss calls to tell me she is picking up Starbucks for us on her way in...
"What do you want.....?"
The day is looking good so far...though in the back of my mind I wonder if obsessing over the jogger from this morning should be telling me something?
Maybe it's time to start jogging.
Pisces
Feb 19 - March 20
Things are likely to be much better than expected, and despite having to do your duty, you'll also be able to have a great deal of fun.
12:51 p.m.
On another note(though the same topic..MEN!) I have just realized a valuable thing that I will be missing when I move back home to California. It seems that I have overlooked a few differences between here and there.
I leave my office for lunch and as I cross over the intersection I notice men on all corners. Men with BOOTS in their hands. Now, to people not from Nevada this is probably puzzling. Not to me. You see, here in Nevada when there is some natural disaster and the community(ours or someone elses) is in need, our WONDERFUL Fire Dept. goes out in the streets full force to help out. Fire Men of all shapes and sizes at EVERY major intersection in town. It's quite a sight, buffed, goodlooking men carrying their boots to collect donations. As I neared a stop I overheard two of the firemen talking "Yeah, I've collected a few $20's, a few $10's the rest are 5's and 1's" I almost speak outloud "A sure way to make more is to take off that shirt and wear those yellow thingy's with the suspenders..and THEN prance around with yr boot in yr hand". I for one would gladly offer up my weeks lunchmoney to witness this.
Though not for all of them. Isn't there a law written somewhere about Firemen, like Supermodels....? Should to be HOT? A few of them looked like a thinner version of my dad.
*Note to the Fire Dept, when in need of LARGE Donations...The HOT ones scantliy clad in suspenders are the ones that should be on the frontline!
Damn, I have men on the brain!
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