Is there something wrong when...

every single song by Kelly Clarkson reminds you of one person? This to me,
is rather disturbing. Listening to Kelly Clakrson in itself is disturbing, being as Im not now, and have never been into her kind of music....ever.
My friend Gil let me copy all of his CD collection into my computer so that I can start burning CD's. One of those CD's is
Kelly Clarkson I
have to admit, she has a beautiful voice, and her album
Breakaway has me completely stuck.
It's funny how something can remind u of someone, strange how someone's words and feelings can so represent your own. Either Kelly and I have had the same affair and lived the same lives (which Im sincerely doubting being as there is like a 16 yr age gap) Or those songs were written for me. You choose. Either way, this realization has gotten me to thinking. How long should we let someone rule those places in our heads? And what do we do when every sappy love song reminds us of them? I've personally known this man for about 5 years. We've never "dated" so much as been best friends...with sex mixed in there of course. But somewhere in there, something happened. On both sides. Times have been odd, things have changed. He lives in one place, I in another...we've always remained close, and kept in touch. He recently confessed feelings, told me he has always had them,has always been inlove with me, but was scared. He is at an impass in his life. Trying to fix problems that he has created for himself. So I wait. Or do i? What do u do, when the one person that u think u could love the most for all time... seems just out of reach?
This is especially hard for me. Im just not a relationship person. Never have been...and Im not sure i ever will be. Ive had three(yes count them 1...2...3...) serious relationships in my 38 yrs. One being my husband of 12 yrs. My X Mike...and then Milo. I dont succumb to feelings very easily. I often live in my safe little world...ignoring the advances of most men, uness Im due for some booty or feel SERIOUS sparks.
So why is it that this man has ahold of my heart?
There were so many times that I thought this lil game of back and forth was over, done with...and I was ready tomove forward. But there he sits. An image in my mind. Filling up my heart. Right out of my grasp. Feelings there...but for how long...and to what end?
How long do u wait for the one u love? And how do u decide when enough is enough.
Time to move on, and let bygones be bygones....
I guess what is meant to be, will be, regardless of my actions.
Its crazy...no matter how old u get, u just dont have the answers to the most important questions.