I've been SERIOUSLY lacking...

In alot of avenues of life lately. Things just seem wierd, out of the ordinary. Not just the back issues I have been having. It's more. I mean, I had my MRI and am just waiting to go in for the Spinal Surgery Consultation. YAY! NOT!
I just don't feel like myself lately. I feel like I am sitting on the outside looking in on someone else life. *sigh*
No motivation for anything. Anything. At the start of the year I was on the workout fasttrack, and since all the rain, I just seriously don't have the strength to get out of bed. Some mornings it feels like DEATH! I'm just tired. Sleep always sounds sooooo good, but always seems to elude me(as I type this it is already 2:50 am and I have to be at work in 6 hours).
I have flowers that have been sitting by my front door for the last month, still in the store bought cartons waiting to be planted. soil and new pots collecting rain. The beach is at the end of my street...and I was taking advantage of it everyday since I moved here. Today the sun was out for the first time in weeks. It was my day off, and I never stepped foot outdoors.
Melancholy.
No real reason. Rain for the past month, almost everyday. Maybe that is part of it. The back problems, Doctors upon Doctors. Do they really know what they are doing? Is it safe to let someone slice up yr back and fu(k with yr spine? One small slip and life as u know it...gone in an instant.
My life seems like an endless stream of run on sentences. Endless problems that seem to have no answer. I know if I wold just get off my ass and make some posative changes...life would change and things would get better. Or would they?
Always something to ponder over.
Things u need to get out of yr head, even when they don't make sense.
Gotta love a blog.

I think I need to go back to posting more regularly.

Makes me feel better.