So....

Alot of things have been happening lately, and I just haven't taken the time to post anything. First off the manager at our gym has been stalking my daughter. And I mean literally stalking her. He got our info out of the computer, and he was being really overly friendly when we would come and go from the gym. A week after my daughter turned 18 he started showing up at her work and harrassing her. Its been this HUGE ordeal!! ugh!
On another note, my oldest Steven who is turning 22 on Friday has decided to spread his wings and move out. He is my step-son, but I have raised him everyday since he was 2, even after my divorce, he has lived with me. So he is as much my child as humanly possible. This moving out business is a rather bittersweet moment. I mean, we all raise our kids knowing that at some point they will grow up and move out on their own. Im happy he has reached that point in his life that he is ready to make that grown up step...butI feel a bit of sadness as my kids grow older and seem not to need me any more. I've come to realize that the statement my brother made last week is true. I need to find a life of my own, one that doesnt always revolve 100% around my kids. Im realizing that I have put alot of my wants/needs and desires on the backburner over the years while I was raising my kids. I've always wanted to travel, to go back to school, to further my career, maybe even work two jobs for a bit to pay off some of my debt. My life has always been so busy singlehandedly raising three kids, that I had almost completely forgotten that I once had dreams that I intended to follow. Dreams of my own. Can I still achieve my dreams? And follow me heart into the oblivion we all call life?
I guess I am about to find out.
I've decided to take inventory of my life. Do some of the things that I have always longed to do. Starting with going back to school this fall. Maybe even starting this summer. I'm ready to take that leap of faith. To have enough faith in myself to make changes that will most definalty improve my life.
I've also been thinking about my social/dating life. Or should I say lackthereof. My x-boyfriend and I broke up 2 1/2 yrs ago. That was the last time I have had a boyfriend. Funny thing is, when guys meet me, they always ask me"why are you single?" I mean, Im decent looking, have a funloving carefree personality, get along well with just about everyone....so why am I single?
It's been a personal choice. I'm not one that just jumps into relationships for the sake of being in a relationship. I have to really connect with someone on alot of levels before I move forward. But as I sit and think about it, I realize that I have just completely shut the relationship issue door. In all honesty, Ive had NO desire to be in a relationship or date. Single is a state of mind for me, one that transforms into reality without me even realizing it. I have gotten so caught up in the parenting of my kids and trying to be their all(since their dad has seriously lacked in that department) that I havent really been living my life.
I've never been one to get lonely(how can anyone be lonely when they have a house full of kids?!?!) but in recent weeks I have been feeling like there is something missing in my life. As winter turns to summer, Im thinking about the small things in life. Waking up to someone laying next to you, holding hands as you walk along the beach, sharing an ice cream cone. Just seeing that someone you love smile.
During the conversation my brother and i were having last week, he said that he wants me to have a boyfriend. I start with the "WHY DO I NEED A BOYFRIEND? YOU DONT THINK THAT A WOMAN CAN BE COMPLETE WITHOUT A MAN?"
His responce was simple. He said "I love you Sister. And that smile and twinkle that u have when u are in love is amazing, it's a happiness that I havent seen in yr eyes in a long long time, and I miss it. I just want you to be blissfully happy sis"
*sigh*
ok, now THAT brought me to complete tears.

Alot of things to ponder at the moment...which seems to be the only time i post..ha ha ha

Guess I'll just have to work on improving me, and taking better care of MY needs.
Sometimes, u have to put yrself first. And with 3 short years left until all of my kids reach the legal age and contemplate moving out and on with their lives....I guess it is time to start working on that. Working on me, and the things I desire in life =)