What's on my mind today...

I'm not really sure. It's an overcast dreary day in Nevada today. I think we are supposed to have thunder storms at some point. When u look outside, u would think it was winter. All u have to do to change that, is to step outside into the heat. Now, I've always been a "heat" person. I remember as a kid going to my Aunt and Uncle's Lakehouse@ Lake Isabllla, on the Kern River. 105 degrees and everyone is hiding under the huge umbrellas. Not me. I'm basking in the sun like a lizard on a rock...which is the family joke about me and the Sun. Might explain why I have a sun tattoo'd on the top of my left foot...the sun is always with me whereever I may go. It's mid summer, and I'm already TAN. I bask by the pool every weekend...The heat is my friend...until last week. Now, Im used to it being 105 to 112, and I can deal with that. But last week...the heat started becomming UNBEARBLE. It has been about 122-124 almost every day for the past week. It's 119 at 4:30 in the afternoon. Over 100 after midnight. Last night my son Steven and I were talking about moving back home to Ventura County. The sand, the beach...the cool ocean breeze. We can't wait to move home and to be close to our family(When we are going to do this is the question. Hopefully in the next three months). I bring up "I can't WAIT to be out of this heat when he reminds me "Mom...a few months ago u were saying 'I cantWAIT for the summer and the heat' O.K. I reserve the right to change my mind.
We step out onto the front porch WHEWWWW the heat knocks the wind out of us. Steven says "Damn, its dark mom...it shouldn't be this HOT when it's DARK outside". I agree.
So now I'm back to dreaming of moving. MY lease isn't up until Sept. So I sit and wait, and try to pay off all of my bills. I really need to startplanning. Moving, looking for a job. I just want to be back home. Until recently, I'd never even entertained the notion of moving back home. Southern California is about THE most expensiveplace u can POSSIBLY live. I've long ago decided that once all of my kids turn 18, I will live the gypsy lifestyle. I intend to move around every few years...Living in various locations. Salem, New Mexio, New York, Florida(the list isLONGGGGGGGGGG) There are SO many places I want to experience. My theory is this, how do u know where u want to spend the rest of your life, when u have only lived in one or two places? So, moving "home" wasn't ever an option. Then things happened, things changed. I started having problems with my daughter(my middle child now 17) about a year ago. It got worse and worse until I was fit to be tied. I'd never realized how alone u can feel even when u have plenty of friends. I craved the closeness of my family(other than the past 5 yrs, I've always lived FIVE minutes from my family) I needed my support system, and it's just not the same on the phone. Hence my decision to move back home. I've come to terms with moving home, and now Im actually EXCITED!!! I miss the beach. I've always been a beach bunny. The thought of LIVING ON THE beach does wonderful things to me. Midnight walks, bike rides to the harbor...learning to surf...watching my kids boogy board. ALL of it. And for the first time in a long time, I feel a peaceful feeling wash over me. After all, home is where the heart is...and my heart has ALWAYS been where my family is =)

"From what we get, we can make a living; what we give, however, makes alife"