A Multi Media Share!

I had a really relaxing weekend. Got caught up on some stuff around the house. Went to movies&what can I say? Im repeat offender... :) I actually chose to see TWO movies that I had seen previously because Steven and Skylar hadn't seen either. Then again Rob ZOmbie and Johnny Depp are two of my favorites so it wasnt a bother.

Alot on my mind today, just not sure how to put everything into words. Guess I will try to sum it up and see what I can do later on.

One more thing...

I cant figure out, no matter how I construct my sentences and paragraphs this program breaks up my sentences and cuts them off...makes for a weird enrty...how do I FIX this??

Lists....

I've always been a "list" person.
I wear scrubs at work and anytime I empty my scrub pockets u will find "lists". Grocery lists, lists of things I need, lists of bills I have to pay, lists of errends to run, lists of expenses....
I think being a "list" person is a Piscean trait. Every Pisces I know, does the same thing...we are all "list" people. And honestly I have about 5 other Pisces I hang out with:
My daughter Carina
My X Mike
My best friend Jenn
My good friend Jeff
My Co-worker Barb
the list is long, and with all of our bdays being so close together, I figure it isnt just a
coinkidink =) So imagine my enlightenment when a good friend of mine(met in the bloggin world) suggests I make a "list" to help combat the stress of everything Im trying to accomplish before I move out of state in 2 months(61 days to be exact) It's funny how I feel SO overwhelmed with everything I have to do, but I've never thought to make a list of everything. Things do do...how much to save, what bills need to be paid off. LISTS. My solace, my way to gain control over my life. And now at THE most stressful time, Im not using my lists to help. So in saying that....I need to really thank my friend Rowdy, not only for making me realize a few things, but reminding me that writing everything down in black and white helps us all at one moment or another to gain perspective in our lives.
I feel much better now =)
THANK YOU ROWDY!!!!!!!

Life Changes

So now that the decision is made, I am stressed. So much to do in so little time. 2 months isn't enough time to do all of the things I have to do...but in this case, it's going to have to be, becasue I'm not waiting any longer.
So I'm stressed. When I stress, I eat...I can't sleep...
I hate to stress, and I'm not usually the type that stresses much. Until NOW. So I woke up this morning adopting a new attitude. Today I WILL NOT eat junk food. I will go back to my normal diet and try to work out to combat stress instead of EATING to combat stress. I've always been an emotional eater, something that doesn't ever work in my favor. So, along with the life change to move home, I've also decided to make some internal changes in me, to make ME be the best that I can be. I'm also a stress smoker. So I've decided NOT to smoke anymore. Everytime I want to eat OR smoke, I'm going to head to the gym or go swim laps in the pool. I've always been decent looking and never had to work hard to look good, kinda comes naturally. But Im not a spring chicken anymore(though everyone that meets me still thinks I'm in my mid 20's...but I know the difference) I've decided that I have 6 months until I hit my 38th birthday and I'm going to make the best of it by getting into the best shape of my life =) Now, age isnt an issue for me either. I'm not the woman that says "OMG I'm turing 30....35....40" I just figure u get better with age. Wiser, smarter, more in tune with who u are. I relish getting older, being independant....and being comfortable in my own skin.
So this is my week to get on track with everything in my life.
Lining up my duckies....one at a time.

So........

I wrote a long post yesterday only for my server to crash before I was able to publish it....
ain't THAT a bitch?
It's been a long week, and it's still only Weds. *sigh*
Though I must admit my indecision has now past and I am ready to move forward in life.
Make life changes that will allow my children and I to move out of this place we now call
home and go back to be with our family.
Time to start doing all of the things u do before u move out of state (againnnnnnnnnnn....!!!)
Work on my resume (how does one go about this without her laptop?) Start getting it out there,
looking for a job, looking for a place to live. Good thing is, my daughter said she had noticed that there were alot of really cute place for rent on the beach.
THE BEACH! That in itself is enough to make me want to DROP everything and RUN home.
The SAND the SURF and the SUN. I really can't wait. I remember when I left the beach 5 1/2 years ago. My friends were all astounded that I was actually going to leave. They all said that I was a "beach bunny" and that I would never make it so far away from the water. I'm sure me being a water sign (Pisces) has always been part of my draw to the water. So I moved, and thought I would prove them wrong. And I did...for a while. Time passed and I was never homesick(was I fooling myself?) I didn't realize then what I realize now. I had basically pulled back from my family, not talking to anyone much. Now looking back, I realize that I WAS homesick, and by not speaking to my family on a regular basis...I was able to avoid those feelings in my gut. I only went home for the holidays in the beginning. As time passed I would go back in there summer here and there. Last summer it seems like all of my friends were getting married so I was home more. The more I went home, the harder it was to leave.
Then in Oct 2003 I was in Bakersfield with my then boyfrriend Mike visiting some of our friends. When I woke up in the morning, I noticed that I had a voicemail from my parents number. That was one of the worst phonecalls I have recieved to date. My brother Chris was in an accident at Pismo. Riding the dunes on his dirtbike he had misjudged a jump and gone over a dune that he hadn't previously jumped. There was a 50 ft drop on the other side. My brother was airlifted to San Luis Obispo and was in ICU. He had broken his back in three places, collar bone in 2 places, pelvic bone in two places, 10 ribs and collapsed both lungs. They had to DRILL though his chest while he was awake to re-inflate his lungs. He almost died. The Doctor said if he hadnt been wearing all of the top of the line gear he was, he would have most likely died.
Since THAT MOMENT....I've wanted to move home. If something would have ever happened to my brother and I hadn't been there...I would have wanted to die.
Sometimes...when life is crappy and u look around u and feel like u have nothing, all u have to do is look up and see yr family...and then u know everything will always be alright.
I can't wait to move home and once again expierence the day to day life with my family.
Something I will never take for granted again. =)

feeling a little.......

BLUE!!!!
I feel so violated. Having yr house broken into is bad enough. But when the perpetrator is someone that was a visitor in your own home. Someone that
u thought u could trust, someone yr child thought HE could trust...it just
leaves a very bad taste in yr mouth. Makes u second guess yr perception of
people. Though, I must admit...I never liked the kid. Let me re-phrase. I
thought he was "ok" when I met him...but there were a few things that he did
to make me think differently of him eventually. So why is it #1 my son let him
into my house, and #2 why did he feel comfortable enough to COME over, when
he knew I didnt want him there? I guess he simply knew I wouldnt be home.
The vision of everything in my room ransacked, everything gone through(the boy didnt leave a THING unturned, he even went as far as to go through my magazine rack in the bathroom)and my most personal things taken... has left me with a weird feeling in my chest.
Basically...is nothing sacred in this day and age? And what is WRONG with these
kids that they feel they can do whatever they want to WHOMEVER they want, at
any given time they want?
It has made me very angry. And now, more than wanting my laptop back...I want revenge. I want that little punk(I now know he has stolen from other people we know) to have to have SOME sort of consequences for turning my room upside down, consequences so that maybe NEXT time, he will stop and think about it before he just steals someone else's property. Its a sad state of affairs when we
as the victim have to be the one to teach these kids a lesson. WHERE ARE THEIR
PARENTS???????

when the good...suddenly goes BADDDDD...

A tired morning.
It was a long weekend. I had a great time. GJ and Jenn came into town for GJ'sbday and they stayed at the Cannery http://www.cannerycasinos.com/. Now when theycome into town and get a room, they always make sure they have an extra bed for Mike and I to stay with them the whole weekend. So yet another "vacation" weekendeven though I never left Vegas..ha ha haFriday night we went to Tommy Rocker's http://www.tommyrocker.com/ for some drinkingand dancing(more of the 1st I assure you) It was a blast.
Saturday morning we ended upjust hanging out and doing alot of nothing. Saturday night Mike's band had a partyfor GJ. The band played for several hours (I am their #1 groupie and LOVE watching them play...hmmmm....there is something about Mike playing the drums that just does something to my insides...even after all of these years)
Anyhow, to sum it up just a great weekend. Good people, good food, good friends.The perfect combination.
Last night we went and saw "Devil's Reject's" http://www.thedevilsrejects.com/ I love Rob ZOmbie(I have seen him in concert like 5 times) and I love his sadistic movies. Crazy, odd...but very interesting. The movie was awesome, but then with the way it ended I know there wont be any more sequels which SUX!!!
I return home from a fun weekend to find that someone had been in my room. (Mama bear who's sleeping in YOUR BED??) To make a long story short...my son had his friendChris over and they were hanging out watching movies. Chris's friend Jason showed up and ended up staying over to watch "Saw". They had a few beers(yes, they are all over 21) and ended up falling asleep while the movie was on. No big deal...right? Wrongo. I guess in the morning while everyone was still sleeping Jason decided to not only go through my ENTIRE room(Even my pesonal stuff. WHO in their right mind steals a womans "toys"??)...but also to throw my LAPTOP into his backpack on the way out the door! So I get home, tired as hell...all I want to do is climb into bed, and instead I find myself running around town trying to re-coup my shit. To no avail, might I add. Chris is helping me try to figure this all out. I had to put a call in to the Police...so here I go, my week starting off on the WRONG foot...and Im sure the chances of meACTUALLY getting my laptop back are slim to NONE. Could I be any more pissed off??Probably NOT! $1,000 down the drain(and I dont have the money to replace it!!)
Soooooo....no computer for me. We'll see how this saga ends!

TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ever have those weeks at work that are ABSOLUTLY crazy??
Well, this has been one of those weeks. A million patients, short-handed at work....the lab cant get anything straight to save their life!!!
I'm soooo ready for the weekend that I can hardly contain myself! Friday and Payday...what a
combination!! Too bad most of my money is spoken for before my direct deposit even goes through. *sigh* whats a gurl to do?
I have friends comming into town this weekend. I've decided u never understand the term
"I have friends comming into town" FULLY until you live in Las Vegas. Friends come into town in droves and on a regular basis. Much moreso than when u live elsewhere. Most people try to
make it out to Vegas at least once or twice a year, and most of MY frriends...more than that, since I'm here. Fun.....yes... Tiresome...more so. I mean, we have this thing us Veg'ans call the "Strip Crawl" which is us, taking our visitors up and down the Strip...of course drinking the whole time. Fortunatly the friends commin into town this weekend to see Mike and I are friends that have been here DOZENS of times...so they wont want to do that. YAY!!!!!!!!!!
I'm actually looking forward to a somewhat low key weekend, but we'll see how THAT pans out.
I'm hoping to see http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hv&cf=info&id=1808504030&intl=us
Rob Zombie's new movie. Opening night tonight. I saw the first one after waiting for what seemed like FOREVER. Much anticipated....
Now u have to understand I'm a HUGE fan of his. I've seen him in concert about 4 times. I am a self proclaimed concert whore, and have seen SO many bands, but he is one of my favorites by far. A little crazy yes, even a bit sadistic...but I love him all the same. He is also commin into town for another concert next month...and I'm thinking I might just have to go again!!!!
I guess we will see what this weekend has in store for me. You just never know in this neck of the woods. Im a pretty "fly by the seat of my pants" kinda gurl...so it's always an adventure!!!!

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arrivingsafely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid inbroadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming-- WOW-- What a Ride!!!"

Dreary Drabbbbbbbb........

It's a dreary DRAB day today, gray and cloudy looks like rain. I'm not big on the overcast days which is a huge part of the reason I left the beach in the first place. I love living where it is sunny everyday...then again the only downfall to THAT is the 122 degree weather!! My only salvation today is that I'm having sushi!!!! With Mike for lunch! YUM!!!!!!
So I'm having a HUGE problem with this damn blog. I cannot seem to get the "links" part of it to show up NO MATTER WHAT I DO!!! I pride myself on being a very computer literate person...so why is it that after many days and numerous tries to follow the directions to adding links...that it STILL SINT WORKING!!!!
ARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
So frustrating. That is the one way I can track those blogs that I enjoy reading and share them with others. But I cant make it work to save my life!!!
What a pain in my ass!!! If anyone has any idea's please let me know. If not I guess I will just have to change my template to one of those that already has the
"links" area in them.
Tonight Mike and I are going to the advance screening of "The Skeleton Key" http://www.theskeletonkeymovie.com/
These advance screeenings are the KEWLEST thing since sliced bread in my book. If u are a Las Vegas local u can go to http://www.lasvegasmovieinsider.com to register. They either send u emails or call u when they have screenings. I have probably seen at LEAST 30 movies for free through this in the past 6 months or so. I even went to the FIRST screening ever of "Hitch" and Will Smith was in the audience with us and we got to meet him afterwards. So much fun. This movie starts at 5 andu have to be there at 3:30 to pick up the tickets(do they not KNOW people have to WORK??) So Mike is picking the ticket up and I am meeting him at the Palm's. Afterwards I think we will go to my house and watch the movies I rented "Hide and Seek", "Constantine" And "Million Dollar Baby" Fun stuff, but it looks like I will be going to bed late again! Argh. No wonder I can't seem to mosey my lazy ass outta bed to work out in the morning!!!!!
I just finished another book by Augusten Burroughs http://www.augusten.com/books.html his books are fascinating and I am LOVING them. Read one in three days then proceeded to go and buy the conclusion to THAT book and order the third one!!! Now I found his website and I must admit I am ADDICTED. I am in LOVE with this man's writing. His words, the way he explains himself. I am going to buy every book he has ever written..
I swear!!! Lets just hope I dont go broke buying them all THIS week. Being as it is taking me three days to read an entire book...it's been 6 days and I have finished the first two already!!!!!!!
#1 on the Bestsellers list...all of them! I highly recommend them!
Have a wonderful afternoon blogging world!

"A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart"

What's on my mind today...

I'm not really sure. It's an overcast dreary day in Nevada today. I think we are supposed to have thunder storms at some point. When u look outside, u would think it was winter. All u have to do to change that, is to step outside into the heat. Now, I've always been a "heat" person. I remember as a kid going to my Aunt and Uncle's Lakehouse@ Lake Isabllla, on the Kern River. 105 degrees and everyone is hiding under the huge umbrellas. Not me. I'm basking in the sun like a lizard on a rock...which is the family joke about me and the Sun. Might explain why I have a sun tattoo'd on the top of my left foot...the sun is always with me whereever I may go. It's mid summer, and I'm already TAN. I bask by the pool every weekend...The heat is my friend...until last week. Now, Im used to it being 105 to 112, and I can deal with that. But last week...the heat started becomming UNBEARBLE. It has been about 122-124 almost every day for the past week. It's 119 at 4:30 in the afternoon. Over 100 after midnight. Last night my son Steven and I were talking about moving back home to Ventura County. The sand, the beach...the cool ocean breeze. We can't wait to move home and to be close to our family(When we are going to do this is the question. Hopefully in the next three months). I bring up "I can't WAIT to be out of this heat when he reminds me "Mom...a few months ago u were saying 'I cantWAIT for the summer and the heat' O.K. I reserve the right to change my mind.
We step out onto the front porch WHEWWWW the heat knocks the wind out of us. Steven says "Damn, its dark mom...it shouldn't be this HOT when it's DARK outside". I agree.
So now I'm back to dreaming of moving. MY lease isn't up until Sept. So I sit and wait, and try to pay off all of my bills. I really need to startplanning. Moving, looking for a job. I just want to be back home. Until recently, I'd never even entertained the notion of moving back home. Southern California is about THE most expensiveplace u can POSSIBLY live. I've long ago decided that once all of my kids turn 18, I will live the gypsy lifestyle. I intend to move around every few years...Living in various locations. Salem, New Mexio, New York, Florida(the list isLONGGGGGGGGGG) There are SO many places I want to experience. My theory is this, how do u know where u want to spend the rest of your life, when u have only lived in one or two places? So, moving "home" wasn't ever an option. Then things happened, things changed. I started having problems with my daughter(my middle child now 17) about a year ago. It got worse and worse until I was fit to be tied. I'd never realized how alone u can feel even when u have plenty of friends. I craved the closeness of my family(other than the past 5 yrs, I've always lived FIVE minutes from my family) I needed my support system, and it's just not the same on the phone. Hence my decision to move back home. I've come to terms with moving home, and now Im actually EXCITED!!! I miss the beach. I've always been a beach bunny. The thought of LIVING ON THE beach does wonderful things to me. Midnight walks, bike rides to the harbor...learning to surf...watching my kids boogy board. ALL of it. And for the first time in a long time, I feel a peaceful feeling wash over me. After all, home is where the heart is...and my heart has ALWAYS been where my family is =)

"From what we get, we can make a living; what we give, however, makes alife"

Charlie & The Chocolate Factory.....

As a child I remember things being alot different than they are now. I grew up in an era where children actually played outside more than they sat in front of the TV or played video games. A time when kids spent time watching "Saturday Afternoon Film Festival" or "The Magic Kingdom" on Sunday nights to get an entertainment fix. A time when we didnt have 300+ Disney movies and every Harry Potter movie that had come to life through J.K. Rowlings on our shelves. I was three years old when "Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory" came out...and over the course of my lifetime, it has always been one of my favorites. I grew up, became a mother...and low and behold we came into a time where u could actually BUY the movie of yr choice, not just wait for it to come on as some rerun on the tellie.
I have probably watched "Willy Wonka" 500 times over the course of my life, maybe more. My KIDS have probably watched it at least that many times as well...
(who's counting?) All in all it has always been a family favorite...from my parents, my brother, my kids...all of our friends...
Imagine my delight when I heard about a r e m a k e !!!!!!
Now, Johnny Depp.... *deep breath*
This man has been someone I have had an overwhelming crush on since I was a wee teenager. I have seen every movie he has EVER made...dozens of times... Its not just his good looks, but the boy can act...he has a gift that I dont see many modern day actors possess. He also has the ability to stop girls aged 14-60 dead in their tracks. I read somewhere that he has managed at 40, to have a following that spans generations. I mean, who else has 16 yr olds(believe me I have a 17 yr old daughter so I know firsthand) swooning....as well as their 30-40 something mothers who have been in love with him since THEY were 16?
So I waited. And waited. And waited.....
To see something about this movie. The remake of a lifetime.
And now, finally....it is here.
I see the previews....and Johnny Depp looks plastic and fake. He looks like a loon who excaped from the loony bin. Im a lil taken aback and I wonder....did they wreck one of my favorite movies???

Now, I'm a firm believer in giving anything(or anyone) a chance....
You can't judge a book by it's cover, a person by his clothes....or a movie by the
preview...

I know that this movie has THREE things that give it the potential to be ASTOUNDING...
1. Johnny Depp
2. Tim Burton
3. The "Willy Wonka" factor.

I wanted to see this movie on opening night, at IMAX. (I go to most movies that I really want to see in this fashion...midnight opening night with a group of friends) Well, needless to say....I had a "date" with my friend James(who I might add is 30 and only saw Willy Wonka for the first time 3 yrs ago!!! Talk about DEPRIVED CHILD!!!) and didnt get much sleep the night before it opened so I opted to NOT go.
This past weeekend I saw a show about the making of "Charlie" on MTV with Tim Burton and Johnny Depp. They started by talking about what a GREAT job Gene Wilder had done in the original movie. They said that they couldnt mess with perfection, and they had no intentions of trying to mimick it...because they thought they would fall short. So, instead...they decided to take it in their own direction and follow the book more closely.

So, last night (FINALLLLLLY) my x Mike and I went to the Palm's Casino http://www.palms.com/ to see it at IMAX. I sat down in awe of how huge this screen was. Mike was laughing at me...he said "Miss Sammie, you are like a little kid when u are happy and excited...I wish u could see the look on yr face." All I know, is that I was ANXIOUSLY awaiting one of the most anticipated moments of movie going pleasure that I have felt in a long long long time. Moments pass...and suddenly the screen comes to life. What lays before me is one of the most wonderful movies I have ever seen. Yes, u heard that....EVER!!!!!
Johnny Depp does an astounding job!!!! The set is WONDERFUL and it transports u to another time and place. Everything is so amazing....but perfect. Burton didnt overdo it with modern technology...Depp didnt overact it, and every character is exactly as u remember it as a kid. It was like watching it for the first time, all over again. Im enthralled. I dont want to move, I dont want to miss a moment. That magical warm feeling washes over u as it did in the original. You feel like u are lost in a different time and space.....you feel like a part of this movie... and in all actuality...u are. We all are. It's people like us who have made this movie a success over the generations... People like us who couldnt get enough of this story about a poor boy who loves his family. People like us who have made creative people like Tim Burton and Johnny Depp remake a classic knowing Wonka followers will come out in droves to see it. And it worked. Not only are shows SOLD OUT....but they have remade a classic that will itself become a classic...one that I know I personally will probably see another 500 times!!!!
So if u havent seen it, grab someone u love and GO see it. I personaly reccommend IMAX which takes something larger than life and actually MAKES it larger than life!!!
ENJOY!!!!!

"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings"

the ability to past as many times a day as you WANT.....

Seems to give me alot more food for thought. I've always wanted to keep a journal to write down my inner most thoughts and feelings. TO just jog down silly sayings or phrases. Things that catch my eye. I've never been able to keep up in a writing journal(with actual pen and paper) my whole life, though I've made many attempts. The computer is a completely different being for me. Not only am I on one ALL day from work...but I also have several(and cable modem)at home. (Not at the moment due to technical difficulties) And now...I have my very own "online journal" and I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!! Did I mention I LOVE IT??? Ha ha ha.
I sometimes find myself thinking about what I want to say, and how I want to word it...gives me alot to mull around in my brain, and I like that feeling. That alive feeling of yr brain functioning.
Today has been a good day. I had a very restful weekend, but then couldn't sleep to save my ass last night. Too many things rolling around in my head. My kids, moving, money, family(in talking to my dad last night he finally tells me about some heart episodes he has been having ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK for the past few months...something he hasn't had in YEARS) and last but not least....MEN. Hahaha. Now, times like this is when u wish someone was sleeping next to you, if for nothing other than the fact that I have a rule...if yr sleeping in MY bed...put out or get out. Ha ha ha. Most men don't have any problems with that rule, and it certainly makes sleep come alot faster!
But...Since there is NO man in my bed, I opted to go at lunch and buy the 2nd book to the one I was reading all weekend. Memoirs of Augustine Burroughs. The 2nd book "Dry" moves on to his adult life. The now disfunctional child is a man...and moves to New York City. His other book "Sellevision" isn't in stock at Barnes and Noble so I had them order it. I figure I can read to help put me back to sleep. Wierd how a once avid reader can just put her books aside and never pick them back up. So, I've decided this is something I can do for me. Something to occupy my thoughts for the time before I nod off to sleep. I'm looking forward to reading these books, and then to going back to roaming the isles of my local bookstore to see what I have been missing out on.
Dont get me wrong, Im not replacing "men" with books. I do have a good friend of mine who takes care of me wonderfully in the "womans needs" department....
There is alot to be said for a "friend with benefits" and the single life and I highly recommend that everyone finds one for themselves... =)

Quote for the day:

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions"

Mini Vacations....

A few days to oneself is always an invaluable thing. I'm a true believer in "mini vacations". Now I'm not talking about a RITZI weekend off gallivanting in some pricey hotel, or taking off in a personal jet to some exotic locale. I'm talking about taking a personal break from life and it's responsibilities. I'm not high maintenance enough(or wealthy enough) for the afore mentioned. But I DO believe that taking a much needed break from time to time to just relax and be yrself, without any interference from this thing we call "LIFE", is a necessity.

I have two people here in Vegas that I am closest to. Jason & Jenn.(My x-boyfriend Mike as well...but he is irrelevant in this instance =) Now I have known Jason for about 3-4 yrs. Jenn about 2-3. We are the Three Muskateers. We do everything together (Jenn and Jason started dating about three months ago...) So imagine my delight when Jason calls me mid-afternoon on Friday(whilst I am dealing with NUTTY patients) and says...."Change in plans...we aren't staying at my house this weekend...We're housesitting my moms house."
Now...u have to understand his moms lifestyle. She is the "Head of surveillance"
for Wynn Resorts. She recently just came back from China, opening up a new resort for Mr. Wynn there. She is his "wingman" and it pays off....he flies her around in his personal private jet. So....Needless to say, staying at her house is the equivalent of a high end pricey vacation....even down to the maids cleaning the 3,000 sq foot house as we bask in the sun by the pool sipping on our mixed drinks. It was a much needed break from the real world...and it was spent relaxing with two of the people closest to me, and it was FABULOUS!!!! Jason ended up havng to work most of the weekend, so it was actually like a girls spa weekend. Jenn and I went to the Suncoast(a casion) for something called a "Gurls Day Out" a convention totally geared at pampering women. Think Firefighters spritzing perfume on you as u walked by...chocolate fountains all over with an abundance of Strawberries laying around for your dipping pleasure =). As we walked around in our purple feather boas(a gift for being one of the first 750 women to attend) we thought... "WOW, now isn't this the life." Needless to say, thousands of women in one spot trying to cut into line at the same moment to dip their strawberry into the flowing chocolate got old really quickly and we only stayed for about an hour....but that was ok because it allowed me to put my bathing suit on and lounge by the pool reading a book Jasons mom had on her bathroom shelf. "Running with Scissors" is a touching(and rather crazy) memior of Augustine Burroughs. Anyone who thinks that they have had a hard or confusing(or abusive) life ought to read this book as I did. It's been a very long time since I have had the time to just sit around and read an ENTIRE book in one weekend. Now, at lunch I'm off to buy not only the book that I read this weekend...but also the 2 that follow....I'm in a reading mood this summer. Time to get back to basics =)
More later...

Moments of indecision...
I've always been a very decisive person. I know what I want, when I want it, and how I am going to go about getting it.
Fastforward to the HERE and NOW.
So many things in my life seem up in the air.
Living in Las Vegas leaves u in a "less than desirable" situation.
Granted, in the beginning it seems just FANTABULOUS!!! Then reality sets in...
SO many people, So many drugs...SO SO SO many latch key kids...SO MUCH CRIME!~!~!~
Seems like the "Land of the Undesirables" And that is where my life sits at the
moment. Defiantly NOT a place that any somewhat normal person would want to raise
their children. So is the story of my life. Make changes and move on, only to realize
that everything u really wanted in the palm of yr hand...lies in the place u left.
I've made the decision to move back homehttp://www.ci.ventura.ca.us/Living/index.asp much to the dismay of most of my friends in Vegas(though most of them wonder what would have EVER possessed me to move away from the beaches of Southern California in the first place)
I know it is what is best for my kids, which in all honesty is always my #1 priority.
So now the wheels are set in motion. I feel relieved in some way. The kids are already gone for the summer and the plan was to be out of "Sin City" by the end of Aug or Beginning of Sept....Now here come the issues. Trying to get myself out of debt and find a way to save enough money to move back to a place where the cost of living is three times what it is here =(
My brother has been riding me, though he knew the moment I sent the kids it would be 3-4 months til I moved...so why now after just three weeks am I feeling SO pressured to move RIGHT THIS MINUTE?? I've been so completely overwhelmed by stress. Trouble sleeping...Anxiety in my stomach...And my brother just doesn't GET IT...money doesn't grow on trees!!! My daughter(who is 17) calls me everyday saying "mommy...I neeeeeeeed you!' Which though Im glad for the closeness with her...makes me feel bad because I want to be with my kids. I just need a little time to pull it all together, or line up all of my ducks!!
So, now to make the familia recognize that everything in life takes some time.
*sigh*
Maybe I should start meditating or Yoga to combat stress!!!!

Ho-Hum

Another day...working. Thank GOD its Thursday which means I only have another day until FRIDAY.
Im thinking whomever decided that one should work 5 days and only have two days of rest...ought to be shot!!
So Im new to this blogging thing. I have been kinda messing around with something of this sort on hi5.com which is ok, but for some godforsaken reason when I signed up it added everyone in my yahoo address book to my friends list and sent everyone a request to join it. Needless to say, now my rantings can be read by everyone I know, so, in turn...I've decided to find another place to rant and rave. A place where anyone can read what I have to say, but not everyone in my life...not that I mind...but I think its easier to open up and be vunerable when u arent worrying about yr mom, brother..sister in law...x boyfriend, x husband...kids...having access to yr every thought. (Im sure you get the point!)
It was kinda kewl to open this up this morning and to have a comment on my post, someone having the "I understand because Ive been there, done that" sentiment. It's kewl to connect with someone just by a certain experience...even if u have never met them. I, in turn started reading his blog and realized we had even more in common...kids...divorce...fun stuff.

Ok, so if anyone is reading this, can ya help me with the links?? Ive read everything on how u can insert the command for a space for links...and try as I might, it just aint werkin in my favor!!(Weird being as I am very computer literate)
Also I want to put some pictures up, so there is a MUG to go along with the words...but still no internet at home(Its a miricle Im surviving!!!) And I cant download my pics on the work computer...
so...here I sit, faceless...hahaha.
Who knows, maybe that is better anyhow =)

ok

So Im very new to this whole "blogger" concept...and Im not online from home much...so bare with me as I try to figure out how to retrieve my pics and crap from Sprint Pcs and Yahoo...can u do that?? And who do u ask to figure some of this out? Im at work online so I dont have access to as much as I normally would fm home...I'll figure it out!!! I always do!

Live and Learn....

So here I sit at work...boring day. Trying to figure out something to do that takes my mind offa everything in my chest. I see my X online(one who hasnt spoken to me in months though we have been best friends for years) I check out his profile...see if anything new is goin on in his life(no Im not a stalker...just missing someone horribly that has always been a HUGE part of my life) He has moved on, lives a new life with someone whom he swore up and down he wasnt involved with. Funny how at times, much to everyones dismay...I can be psychic. I call it like I see it, which sometimes causes alot of friction. Maybe someday I will learn to keep my mouth shut and my feelings to myself. Until then, Im destined to have issues with people that dont want to own up to what is right in front of them. Live and learn....thats all I can do. Funny when those closest to u also seem to be the farthest away. All I can do is wish good things to those I love, even when I am the "out of sight, out of mind" person.
Some strange things have happened since he stopped talking to me, it seems his newfound love has some strange interest in acting like my best friend...always contacting me, always talking to me, IM'in me....it's kind of odd. He once wanted her and I to be friends...and now he doesn't...so I try to ignore her, and respect his wishes....even though he is completly oblivious to this fact. I feel like she is trying to manipulate me. She knows in the past when they werent an "item" something may have transpired between him and I....so she plays games, acts friendly and tries to get information out of me. Funny how someone so perceptive, can be completely decieved by someone who was once psycho and now claims to be reformed. Live and learn....it's all any of us can do in life...